(the following is copied from my myspace blog from January 6, 2007)
...it was simply amazing.
24,000 young adults gathered in Atlanta, Georgia from January 1-4 and I was fortunate enough to be a part of it. On the last night, everyone walked in complete silence, some from a 15 minute walk away, from their family groups to gather right outside the Georgia Dome. (Normally throughout the week we have had to be separated into two venues and satellited, because Phillips Arena cannot hold everyone.)
It was amazing.
Complete silence.
All you could hear was the footsteps of many (besides the normal city noises)... all with the intention to gather to a place to worship, to be still before God (well I had to be because I lost my voice).. and it was hard not to imagine what heaven would be like. It was 11:00 at night so there were still people out and about... but all they could do was look in astonishment, (or sometimes confusion) at what was happening.
There, before them, was a massive group of people walking and being still before their God. The silence continued until everyone was gathered in a huge crowd, standing before a large screen and stage, and besides hearing the roar of the helicopter overhead.. it was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. The night was perfect.
I'm one of those that can more easily draw close to God through nature... and while walking to the site, I noticed the sky being covered in clouds. However, how appropriate it was that just before Chris Tomlin started leading worship... the clouds parted and there was an opening in the clouds just big enough for the openness to hover over our worship area. The moon was full and shining. God's light was shining. :) 24,000 people worshipping under God's creation that night was amazing.. and with that many people worshipping God, it made it even easier to get a taste of what our eternal PARTY will be like.
On the way back to our hotels, the whole crowd CHEERING for GOD while walking the streets at 12:30a.m. made the night even better. That's just a taste of how awesome my week was. I was not prepared for what God was about to reveal to me.
So many things happened this week that as I look back on them, I realize that it happened for a reason.
1. I lost my voice, mainly on Wednesday, which one of my family group members simply said... its a sign just to listen to God for the day. Wednesday is what broke me.
2. Upon getting to my community group on Tuesday night, I realized that I left my camera in the arena. I wasn't worried too much.. but during our worship set in community group about 10 minutes later, Shane Bernard mentioned how we care too much about the things of this world, such as iPods (not me). But I obviously thought about how I love my camera and daily check these things we call myspace and facebook. It has to stop! :)
3. My family group was all girls and small. Perfect. I could be more vulnerable and myself.
4. The community group that I thought I was supposed to be in turned out not being the group... so I had to turn around the first night and walk the 15 minute walk to where the pink striped group met. Honestly, I was disappointed. Why would I want to walk all the way over to the Westin anyway... :) I thought I didn't know anyone in my community group whereas before, Stephanie was going to be in my group. Well, turns out the last community group session, I see that Mike Lee is there. He was in there the whole time... and I'm glad I didn't know he was (no offense, Mike). The whole community group miss up turned out amazing. Shane, from one of my favorite duo Shane & Shane, turned out to be our worship leader. Their songs always speak to me.
There specifically was a song that we sang each day which was continually in my head the rest of the week. When I woke up, the song was in my head. When I went to bed, the song was in my head... and pretty much all throughout the rest of the day.
Here are some of the lyrics:
"Awaken what's inside of me,
Tune my heart to all you are in me
Even though You're here, God Come."
My heart was awakened this week.
All the speakers, both the breakout sessions, and the songs just spoke volumes to me and I really believe that what was inside of me was awakened this week. Each session I went to spoke to me.
The whole idea of Passion was ::SHINE:: ... to Do something NOW! How hard it is for me to come back home and get back to "life" and the routine I was in before.
My friend Alison, who's in Africa teaching, sent me this in part of an email, which I would like to share:
" Do not think that just because you are on a high that it is not God speaking. A lot of times when we are in an environment where the people just want to worship GOD and hear him the Holy Spirit's voice is intensified and you hear more clearly. Then when you leave you might start on a down slope and think "WOW that was great, but maybe I just got carried away and did not hear right. " NO NO Janelle, You did hear right and Satan had no place being there that is why there was so much joy and clarity. Now that you entered back into the world. Satan is King of it, so he will try to discrouage you any way he can... So that Passion.... KEEP IT .. It is real!!"
Last year when looking for a teaching job, a leader in my young adult group informed me about an opportunity in Africa to teach at a boarding school. Then, Pathway took a group to Mozambique.. and although I went to the meeting, I didn't pursue because of finances and the intensity of the trip that was conveyed by the guy overseeing it.
While at Passion, I was wondering if God really did want me there..somewhere, in some way. I think He's been knocking at my heart's door for a while now and it was at Passion when I finally opened the door a crack and peered through at what He wants me to do. During the last session, the Passion team prayed over the whole arena(s). Those that felt called to GO during the week were to stand. I quickly processed everything I heard over Passion and don't know exactly why I did stand, but I did. And, when I did, I broke. Now, if this call from God wasn't real... then why would I be in tears over the thought of it.
Since being back, I have had a friend randomly tell me "just go to Africa, you've always wanted to go there anyway" (thanks elan). He had no idea. But only if he knew... At work, we have a song we play over head that is also sung in Africaans language ("We Fall Down").. and it came on right when I was thinking about all this. Then, at church today, the first thing I saw in the bulletin is an announcement for another Mozambique trip for twelve days in July. Immediately the thought of finances went through my head.. but... Ron talked about money and the message was about how our money is GOD'S resources.
I'm trying to discern whether the whole overseas missions thing is what God wants for me. And if it is... how long? To teach? For a short time? I just need to spend time talking to people about it and most importantly, praying about it.
But all my life I've learned from my mom that I'm worthless and have kept things bottled up.
I keep thinking "Who am I to be able to do this?" But... as was said in one of the sessions... God will use who he wants to use.
I have to get over the fear of not being able to raise support...
I have to get over the fear of going and being away from family.
I have to get over the uncertainty of the unknown, because I know God will be with me.
I have to quit running and just answer His call!
On another note not dealing with missions (at least global missions)...
Since Passion I've already tried sharing my faith to my mom, but only ended up hurt in the end. Before passion, I was "okay"with the whole idea that she wasn't a Christian because I found myself saying it is SO HARD to have a relationship with her... but that's just not right of me to feel that way! I want her in the After Party.
Oh, and one more thing...
::SHINE::
**If you are reading this, please pray for my community group leader. Tim found out a week before he came to Passion to lead us that his cancer, which he thought was in remission, has spread to his bones. We found this out the last session... he has a wife and baby at home.
Okay I know that was a super long blog but its just what was on my mind after this conference.
(For all who went, the song "Fire Fall Down" and "From the Inside Out" is on a Hillsong United CD... just to temporarily satisfy us until the Passion CD comes out)
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