This reminds me that He's right there watching and waiting...ALWAYS
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
pictures pictures pictures
Well, here they are all you non-facebook users. My Africa pictures are uploaded. I have 12 albums on facebook and here are all the links which you can navigate through even if you don't have an account. There are some pretty amazing pictures of children that you should definately check out now, but I would suggest not taking all your time at once looking at them, unless you really have nothing to do. I tried to caption the pictures so you can understand more of what we did the month while in Africa. Some of these albums contain 60 pictures so there are a lot of pictures. :) Feel free to comment about them!
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1. Various Pictures from a Team Member's camera
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032702&l=9891b&id=57100255
2. School and Community Outreaches/The girls I met in the slum
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032487&l=fe4ca&id=57100255
3. Construction on the YCT building
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032489&l=35ee1&id=57100255
4. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032372&l=1727a&id=57100255
5. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032370&l=a0a9f&id=57100255
6. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032368&l=3a345&id=57100255
7. Safari and Gorge day trip
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032084&l=1864b&id=57100255
8. Children in the Slum: Album 2
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032137&l=a7b24&id=57100255
9. Children in the Slum: Album 1
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032136&l=b846c&id=57100255
10. Kibera: The Slum..."Whatever you do for the least of these you do for me"
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031885&l=ee6e5&id=57100255
11. New Life Orphanage
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031889&l=feaa6&id=57100255
12. Destination
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2029994&l=4ebf6&id=57100255
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Kibera Missions Trip: July 2007
Imagine going to bed each night to the sound of a low rumble of music, talking, and howling dogs. Imagine having to watch where you step everywhere you go, and not seeing a hint of grass anywhere. Imagine not having enough money to even send your children to school.
That is just a tiny idea of what it is like to live in this situation. As you know, I was sent to the Kibera Slum in
This letter is going to be pretty lengthy, but a month of experiences and seeing God work is something worthy to be shared.
God presented himself to me in huge ways on this trip. For me, I think personal growth is the biggest thing that happened on this trip. The first way God revealed himself to me is through helping me to discover some of my spiritual gifts. Through different outreaches that we took part in and through encouraging some girls in the slum each night, I was able to walk away with a renewed spirit and love for things. I can’t believe I am admitting this to everyone but my future plans may involve using singing to glorify God such as in our church’s worship band. In addition, I feel more comfortable with finding ways to be an encouragement to others, such as young girls in a youth setting. The second way God revealed himself to me is through the relationships with others. I think the people I met in the 
Youngsters for Christ ministry (www.youngsters4christ.com or YCT) ministered to me more than I ministered to them. These brothers and sisters forever left imprints on my heart and it was really hard to leave them. While having the best experience of my life, they were able to minister to me during one of the hardest times in my life.
God revealed Himself to me is through his love, comfort, and peace. As some of you know, I had a situation come up which felt like a forever high mountain that I couldn’t even begin to climb. The last week, I found myself wanting to be home for the first time the whole trip, but at the same time not wanting to leave because it didn’t feel right to. I struggle with being vulnerable about this because I do not want pity… but this is just a way God worked in my life during this trip. My grandma passed away 6 days before we were scheduled to arrive home, and not having friends or family from home there with me was extremely hard and painful for me. I had the option earlier that week to transfer my ticket to get home to say goodbye. I again had the option to come home early for the funeral. However, through a lot of crying out to God in prayer and a couple of verses that actually came to me at the beginning of the trip and resurfaced during this last week of the trip, I realized that God knew this would happen when He sent me there for a month, so why would He send me home not being able to complete the work I was sent to do? (Luke 9:57-62, Psalm 118:8, Psalm 27:7-8, Psalm 18 were some of these verses. Please look all these verses up. You will see how powerful God worked and how much He used scripture to teach me while on this trip.) This was a time when I grew the most in His unfailing love, and although I may not know the reason and timing of this trial, I can rest in that unfailing love. I was fortunate to see God’s greatness through his creation at a safari and gorge the very next day after I heard the news, and it was there that I realized how BIG God is and not to question Him. As far as coming home to all of this, closure has been hard for me and still is, so continued prayer is appreciated.
Being God’s hands and feet on the trip and seeing the results of that was amazing. As the trip progressed, I saw how God used each member of our team differently as we individually sought His will. As a team, we partnered with YCT and did school ministries. We normally visited high schools but also ministered at one elementary school, which all brought their own joys. At the high schools, a block of time is set aside, for students to gather in a room where they can learn
more about who God is. We sometimes shared our testimonies, sang, and performed skits to them, but also had discussions about the pressures they face and were able to find verses in the Bible to help them out with them. At one school ministry, 5 young people gave their lives to Christ! I had individuals come up to me to ask me questions. I was able to minister to them individually by showing them verses and praying with them. When leaving the conversation, I found myself giving total credit to God who totally gave me the words to speak and the verses to show these young people.
Construction. Manual labor. This was a fun part of the trip for me. We spent many hours helping to build and maintain the YCT building which is located in the slum. It’s a beautiful silver building where you can hear praises and prayers lifted up over the slum almost every evening. Some members of our team carried heavy cement rocks from a landing down through the slum to the building where a wall was built to prevent further soil erosion. The soil was eroding pretty quickly and a wall needed to be built, and within 4 days of us being there God provided some
funds for that to be done. We also spent a lot of energy leveling and moving soil. Bags of dirt were filled, lifted, and moved outside the building where we could create a walkway that is safer for the people in the slum. In addition, the building received siding and electricity while we were there and another small room was added to the property. God worked amazingly on this project, and now YCT has a beautiful place to worship. As we were doing construction and people saw us “strong white women carrying big stones” through the slum, they started to realize that we were there to help them and to work. We were able to feel more comfortable walking around by ourselves (during the day), and often did. There was a time, however, when a native stopped me and said “You do all this work, yet my son is still at home hungry. What are you going to do about this?” I want you to be aware of this because this is too often the view of a native who lives in a slum when they meet a white person.
As a white person in the slum, you feel like a celebrity, and this should not be the case. They do not see Mzungus (Swahili for a white person) enough. There should be an awareness out there and people wanting to go show love in this dark place. Children there ran up just to touch us. They would always greet us to the same tone of “How are you?” and would repeatedly say it until we answered them. My heart swelled for the children in the slum, in ragged clothes and often without shoes, walking and looking through trash. But these children know no difference and are happy. They laugh and find things to do to have fun in the slum. In addition, my friends I met there are amazing men and women of God. In the conditions that they live in, I did not hear them utter one word of complaint. They may be the poorest people I’ve met, but are the richest in their faith. One of my friends, Bobline, shared Acts 17:26-27 to me when I was talking to him about him living there and me living in the
The first day I was in the slum I met a girl named Saida. She took me down into her home, and I naively went by myself. I was able to pray with her that first day, and told her I would be back. However, because we were not allowed to go anywhere without a YCT member, I felt limited to return. God brought her back into my path the 2nd week, and that is when I met her sister Jackie, who wanted to meet me. After that, I was able to go to their home nearly every night to talk with them, encourage them, and pray with them. They were very hospitable and gave me gifts to remember them by even with having very little. Their situations were so heart-wrenching, and that is just 2 young women in the midst of 1.2 million people in the slum. They insisted that I was there to help them 
financially and that they relied on me, but I kept reminding them that I will fail them because I’m human, and any amount of money they get will soon go to waste, but God will not fail them, and I can provide them with spiritual help by encouraging them and helping them in their walk with Christ. By the end of the trip, these girls started going back to church and praying. They told me God helped me to show them things they have never learned before. And, the last day of the trip, it so happened that we had extra support money and I was able to use some of it to help them out. I was blessed by their company and miss them a lot.
Coming home has been hard. Culture shock is more "shocking" coming home than going to
I was not ready to leave
God is good…. All the time, and I know that He is a Father who will never ever fail me, you, or those that live in the Kibera slum. Though many may think it... all they need is people to go over there and show them a little bit of Jesus.
Thank you to all of you who supported me on this trip of a lifetime. I have returned a different person, and I hope you can see that in me. Please keep YCT and the people in Kibera in your prayers, and my team members and myself as we continue to transition and apply what we learned to our lives here in
Nakupenda na upenda wa Mungu!
(I love you with the love of God!)
Monday, June 25, 2007
Kibera here we come!
Wow!!!! It's time to leave? What??
The past few weeks have been amazing. The preparation that I've experienced is something only God could have orchestrated. Spiritual preparation has been unbelievable... something I've never expected. I've been able to read the Bible, discuss things, and pray often with a team member and it has helped me out tremendously! Although I still feel times of being adequate, I know God will give me the words to speak and be all over this trip while we are there.
The passport ended up coming on Friday. I had two congressmen working on it for me. Friday morning at 10:00 Mark Souders office called me with a tracking number for Fed-Ex, and as I was copying it down, I heard a truck backing up the driveway. I told the lady that I think I just tracked the passport - its currently backing up my driveway! She was amazed, and I was amazed at how that worked out. Thanks Pat for meeting with Souder in the morning to get this pushed! They were on top of things and let me know as soon as they found out the status of it. Mike Pence was the congressman who put the congressional rush on it, so he deserves a thank you note sometime too.
The website of the place we are being hosted by is:
www.youngsters4christ.com
This is information about the slum I will be at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibera
My prayer requests for the trip:
*My focus has been SO clouded lately because of my Grandma having open heart surgery the day I fly out. Please pray for peace about that, and that my focus stays on the trip and what God wants me to do the whole time that I'm there.
*Conversations be blessed and filled with God's love
*Endurance, safety, good health, for the whole time - and that I can experience this to the fullest and come back to tell others about it
*Hearts will be changed, people will be moved. That my heart is softened and challenged.
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAYER, AND FINANCES.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH!!!
The past few weeks have been amazing. The preparation that I've experienced is something only God could have orchestrated. Spiritual preparation has been unbelievable... something I've never expected. I've been able to read the Bible, discuss things, and pray often with a team member and it has helped me out tremendously! Although I still feel times of being adequate, I know God will give me the words to speak and be all over this trip while we are there.
The passport ended up coming on Friday. I had two congressmen working on it for me. Friday morning at 10:00 Mark Souders office called me with a tracking number for Fed-Ex, and as I was copying it down, I heard a truck backing up the driveway. I told the lady that I think I just tracked the passport - its currently backing up my driveway! She was amazed, and I was amazed at how that worked out. Thanks Pat for meeting with Souder in the morning to get this pushed! They were on top of things and let me know as soon as they found out the status of it. Mike Pence was the congressman who put the congressional rush on it, so he deserves a thank you note sometime too.
The website of the place we are being hosted by is:
www.youngsters4christ.com
This is information about the slum I will be at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibera
My prayer requests for the trip:
*My focus has been SO clouded lately because of my Grandma having open heart surgery the day I fly out. Please pray for peace about that, and that my focus stays on the trip and what God wants me to do the whole time that I'm there.
*Conversations be blessed and filled with God's love
*Endurance, safety, good health, for the whole time - and that I can experience this to the fullest and come back to tell others about it
*Hearts will be changed, people will be moved. That my heart is softened and challenged.
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAYER, AND FINANCES.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH!!!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
its all sinking in...
With each day that goes by, it becomes more apparent to me that I'm really going to Africa! Please please please pray for me and my team. For me, I'm starting to get anxiety over the whole thing coming together okay.
We really haven't met with our team yet about it, and we leave in 9 weeks! I have no idea really what I'm walking into besides the basic facts that I researched about Kibera. However, I know that I'm supposed to be there. I feel like my desire to GO has faded and I know that it is Satan trying to pull me away from answering that call that I heard at Passion.
Another prayer request is my PASSPORT. They suggested that I paid the extra $90 to get it expediated because it takes 10 weeks.... so they say. so PRAY that it gets here in time, because I didn't pay the extra money.
What else? Our plane ticket prices went up, and we haven't booked our flights yet. I'm not sure if I should book now before they go up AGAIN, but they are pretty pricey right now. I have to front the cost of the ticket and then pay myself back with the support that I raise.
That's another thing that I'm thinking about a lot... is the support raising. It's come to a stand still, and the number of letters I sent out is no where near the number that was "recommended" I send out. pish posh... :)
I have to stop this! I know GOD will provide. He always has for me in the past when finances get tough - and all who know me know that a lot of situations has come up that I always find myself in a pinch. But I know that if He wants me there, which I believe he does, He will find a way for me to be there.
Matthew 6:25.... do not WORRY!!! I wish I could just learn to be better at transferring that piece of scripture from my head to my heart.
We really haven't met with our team yet about it, and we leave in 9 weeks! I have no idea really what I'm walking into besides the basic facts that I researched about Kibera. However, I know that I'm supposed to be there. I feel like my desire to GO has faded and I know that it is Satan trying to pull me away from answering that call that I heard at Passion.
Another prayer request is my PASSPORT. They suggested that I paid the extra $90 to get it expediated because it takes 10 weeks.... so they say. so PRAY that it gets here in time, because I didn't pay the extra money.
What else? Our plane ticket prices went up, and we haven't booked our flights yet. I'm not sure if I should book now before they go up AGAIN, but they are pretty pricey right now. I have to front the cost of the ticket and then pay myself back with the support that I raise.
That's another thing that I'm thinking about a lot... is the support raising. It's come to a stand still, and the number of letters I sent out is no where near the number that was "recommended" I send out. pish posh... :)
I have to stop this! I know GOD will provide. He always has for me in the past when finances get tough - and all who know me know that a lot of situations has come up that I always find myself in a pinch. But I know that if He wants me there, which I believe he does, He will find a way for me to be there.
Matthew 6:25.... do not WORRY!!! I wish I could just learn to be better at transferring that piece of scripture from my head to my heart.
Monday, March 19, 2007
SHINE: An opportunity in Africa!
March 14, 2007
Dear Friends and Family,
I never would have dreamed that I would be writing such a letter as this, but God works in mysterious ways. For the past few years I have been struggling with the direction my life was going, but I trusted that God had something amazing planned for me. At the Passion ‘07 conference in January, God awakened what He placed in my heart long ago. Although it hit me like a rock and left me feeling inadequate, I left Passion with a sense of urgency to act upon what God was telling me those four incredible days, and trust Him to take care of the rest. Since then I've learned that if God wants me to do something, He will keep presenting Himself until I say YES.
Christ’s last words to his disciples in Mark 16:15 were “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” At Passion, hundreds, if not thousands, stood to be prayed over, saying "God is telling me to GO. I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how, but here I am, Lord! I want to serve You! Send me!" I was one of those who stood, and that's when I truly felt like my heart was awakened.
Since Passion, the doors have quickly opened and I’m following through with what my heart has been swelling over since. I have an amazing opportunity to go spread love in a dark place. After prayerful consideration, I’ve made the commitment to travel with a team to Kenya. We will spend 4 weeks in a large slum district called Kibera, on the south side of Niarobi. Those that live in this slum are daily confronted with the extreme challenges of poverty. Many live on less than $1 a day and lack the daily nourishment they need, using garbage as food. Families live in shanties that are often not big enough for one person, and there is death and disease everywhere.
Our team will be working with a local youth ministry called Youngsters for Christ. We will be building lasting relationships and having Christ-centered fellowship with youth, helping to ignite or build their faith by: performing skits, singing songs, praying, sharing testimonies, and simply loving them. To learn more about the Youngsters for Christ Team, you can visit their website at www.youngsters4christ.com.
Missions cannot be possible without support of brothers and sisters in Christ. There are two ways that you can partner with me in this exciting opportunity to serve God. The most important method of support is through prayer. While I know Christ knows our needs, we still need to offer up our prayers. I have enclosed prayer cards which I hope will assist you in remembering the team in your prayers. If you would like to receive updates on our trip, please send me your e-mail.
Another way you can support me is through the resources Christ has blessed you with. I need to raise around $3,400 by May, and this is where I’m leaving it in God’s hands. I ask that you do not give unless you pray about it first. Then, if you feel led to partner with our team in this way, send your financial support to my home address which is listed below. Checks can be made out to Pathway Community Church. Please write “Kenya Trip” on the memo line. Cash is also acceptable. All support is processed through my church, so if you decide to support me financially you will receive a tax deductible receipt.
Thank you for your partnership in spreading God’s love to the youth in Africa. If you are reading this letter, you have left an impact on my life whether you know it or not, and your support means so much to me. I’m amazed at how God is including this as a part of His plans for me, and feel blessed with the prayer support of family and friends.
Janelle Lehman
**Because of obvious safety reasons, I am excluding my contact info on my blog. For those of you who read this and would like to contact me about this trip, please email me and include "Kenya Trip" in the subject line at: janellelehman@hotmail.com
Dear Friends and Family,
I never would have dreamed that I would be writing such a letter as this, but God works in mysterious ways. For the past few years I have been struggling with the direction my life was going, but I trusted that God had something amazing planned for me. At the Passion ‘07 conference in January, God awakened what He placed in my heart long ago. Although it hit me like a rock and left me feeling inadequate, I left Passion with a sense of urgency to act upon what God was telling me those four incredible days, and trust Him to take care of the rest. Since then I've learned that if God wants me to do something, He will keep presenting Himself until I say YES.
Christ’s last words to his disciples in Mark 16:15 were “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” At Passion, hundreds, if not thousands, stood to be prayed over, saying "God is telling me to GO. I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how, but here I am, Lord! I want to serve You! Send me!" I was one of those who stood, and that's when I truly felt like my heart was awakened.
Since Passion, the doors have quickly opened and I’m following through with what my heart has been swelling over since. I have an amazing opportunity to go spread love in a dark place. After prayerful consideration, I’ve made the commitment to travel with a team to Kenya. We will spend 4 weeks in a large slum district called Kibera, on the south side of Niarobi. Those that live in this slum are daily confronted with the extreme challenges of poverty. Many live on less than $1 a day and lack the daily nourishment they need, using garbage as food. Families live in shanties that are often not big enough for one person, and there is death and disease everywhere.Our team will be working with a local youth ministry called Youngsters for Christ. We will be building lasting relationships and having Christ-centered fellowship with youth, helping to ignite or build their faith by: performing skits, singing songs, praying, sharing testimonies, and simply loving them. To learn more about the Youngsters for Christ Team, you can visit their website at www.youngsters4christ.com.
Missions cannot be possible without support of brothers and sisters in Christ. There are two ways that you can partner with me in this exciting opportunity to serve God. The most important method of support is through prayer. While I know Christ knows our needs, we still need to offer up our prayers. I have enclosed prayer cards which I hope will assist you in remembering the team in your prayers. If you would like to receive updates on our trip, please send me your e-mail.
Another way you can support me is through the resources Christ has blessed you with. I need to raise around $3,400 by May, and this is where I’m leaving it in God’s hands. I ask that you do not give unless you pray about it first. Then, if you feel led to partner with our team in this way, send your financial support to my home address which is listed below. Checks can be made out to Pathway Community Church. Please write “Kenya Trip” on the memo line. Cash is also acceptable. All support is processed through my church, so if you decide to support me financially you will receive a tax deductible receipt.
Thank you for your partnership in spreading God’s love to the youth in Africa. If you are reading this letter, you have left an impact on my life whether you know it or not, and your support means so much to me. I’m amazed at how God is including this as a part of His plans for me, and feel blessed with the prayer support of family and friends.
Janelle Lehman
**Because of obvious safety reasons, I am excluding my contact info on my blog. For those of you who read this and would like to contact me about this trip, please email me and include "Kenya Trip" in the subject line at: janellelehman@hotmail.com
Sunday, March 18, 2007
transition
Church was amazing yet really emotional today.
I attended both services...even with having 5 hours of sleep the night before. (These NCAA tourney games are not helping the sleeping schedule any either.)
Not sure if I wanted to just hear the story of Al and Eric again(check out their story on the Pathway Community Church podcast), check out the differences of first and second service (which, really... the climate of the two are strangely different... those second service people just don't get into it much), or just let it all sink in.
At the end of the service, our worship arts director announced his resignation.
There were tears everywhere.
Craig has such a talent and used that talent to bless others. He has led me and many others to find a way to connect with and worship God in a way like never before. God really used him at Pathway and there are big shoes to fill. He just has a way to let God use him to reach others.
I hope and pray that attenders of the church will not feel a need to start rumors or find out the reasons that Craig is leaving, that they will turn to God for comfort and not make it be the talk of the 'church' community. I also pray that God will start to prepare the heart of our next worship arts director, and that the leadership at Pathway will be able to discern where to go from here.
At my home church where I grew up, our pastor of 13 years is resigning.
Change is a hard thing and I've seen it tear so many church families apart. My church in Berne just went through huge transition with adding another contemporary service to satisfy the need there because of the generation gap. It's crazy really... many members of the church are 70+, and with it being a Mennonite church and a small town... I don't know all those together just make for them not liking change and adding drums to our worship service. Hymns are the only way to go. That's fine though really. That's the way they were raised, that's the way they can connect with God, but for the younger generation... there has been a huge shift in worship.
an amazing shift. :)
...just what's on my mind today
I attended both services...even with having 5 hours of sleep the night before. (These NCAA tourney games are not helping the sleeping schedule any either.)
Not sure if I wanted to just hear the story of Al and Eric again(check out their story on the Pathway Community Church podcast), check out the differences of first and second service (which, really... the climate of the two are strangely different... those second service people just don't get into it much), or just let it all sink in.
At the end of the service, our worship arts director announced his resignation.
There were tears everywhere.
Craig has such a talent and used that talent to bless others. He has led me and many others to find a way to connect with and worship God in a way like never before. God really used him at Pathway and there are big shoes to fill. He just has a way to let God use him to reach others.
I hope and pray that attenders of the church will not feel a need to start rumors or find out the reasons that Craig is leaving, that they will turn to God for comfort and not make it be the talk of the 'church' community. I also pray that God will start to prepare the heart of our next worship arts director, and that the leadership at Pathway will be able to discern where to go from here.
At my home church where I grew up, our pastor of 13 years is resigning.
Change is a hard thing and I've seen it tear so many church families apart. My church in Berne just went through huge transition with adding another contemporary service to satisfy the need there because of the generation gap. It's crazy really... many members of the church are 70+, and with it being a Mennonite church and a small town... I don't know all those together just make for them not liking change and adding drums to our worship service. Hymns are the only way to go. That's fine though really. That's the way they were raised, that's the way they can connect with God, but for the younger generation... there has been a huge shift in worship.
an amazing shift. :)
...just what's on my mind today
Sunday, March 11, 2007
tragedy
Where is God when it hurts?
...when you hurt over an ended relationship
...when you hurt over a lack of a relationship
...when you hurt over crisis in your life (i.e. finances, family, friends)
...when you hurt because of death, tragedy…
............crisis, tragedy...........
We are all on a journey in life. Some parts are high, others are low. But in the end, where our heart is… is what matters most. We try to avoid the low parts, the parts when we hurt, but we know they only make us stronger and it’s how you react to those low parts that shape our lives.
In the moment you feel so abandoned by God, He is working in your heart.
God will use who and what He wants to use to accomplish what he wants to do in your lives. (Job 12:13-14; Ecclesiastes 3:1)
"My prayers are with you…”
When tragedy strikes, so many people are quick to say that. Am I out of line to say that it’s beginning to sound like a cliché? Do people really truly pray for those who are faced with adversity, or it is all for show or simply something to say when something bad happens. We are so quick to cling to God when our worlds are crashing down on us. I feel like so many of us have grown up on our parent’s faith, or our small town’s faith, yet we have yet to build our own faith. If you’re going to say you will pray for someone… do it, because they need our prayers. And do it with a sincere heart.
Yeah, we may have all prayed that prayer as a child, but as adults we have a responsibility for our own lives. Our parents will not be there to account for our lives when it comes to the day we come face to face with God.
Just because God forgives us and gives second changes, it is not a license to keep living our lives the way we want to and go back to what we’ve done before. Doing so is mocking the cross, and sinning out of pleasure and joy over and over again because we know He will forgive us is like nailing Him to the cross over and over again. (Piper)
Yet, through tragedy, so much as happened this week that reminds me of God’s protection.
Last week my friend’s parents were involved in a huge scare on an airplane where their engine failed coming home from the Dominican Republic. This was actually a second plane they had boarded because their first plane wouldn’t ascend. After an emergency landing back in the D.R., they were safe. God protected them.
My roommate and I were in a minor wreck on Saturday night. It could have been a lot worse than it was. God protected us.
...The Bluffton bus wreck. It was really a tragedy, and I hate all of it and my heart aches for everyone involved. I feel connected, as I realize 5-6 years ago I would have known everyone on that team, plus with the Berne students and families involved. South Adams has had someone on that team almost every year for a long time now. It could have very easily been the track team when my brother Jeff was on it 5 years ago. It’s almost to the point where I can place myself there that morning because my thoughts and prayers have not left those involved… yet I know that my thoughts about it are nowhere near the horror it must have been.
What so many people are focusing on is the bad in this accident, and it’s easy to do. I have been doing it too. But God’s protection was placed all over that accident. For those that survived, the numbers could have been switched around and 28 died, not 7. God knew it was going to happen before it did. He knew which players would survive. Those that survived were in the seats they were on the bus at that moment for a reason.
As everyone says, God isn’t finished with the survivors yet. There’s a plan for their lives. God can create storms to bring His children back to Him.
It is up to use to make the decision to run father from Him or draw near to Him, and running from God always comes at a price to others. He is the ultimate comfort. God’s hand was all over the bus that morning, and He WAS protecting them.
But what about those whose lives were taken in the accident?
Where was God’s protection then?
God has a plan that we cannot even begin to trace. That is one of the mysteries of God that I personally do not want to know. If we seriously knew God’s will for our lives, how exciting would that be? We would know exactly when we die, and would be counting our days.
If 7 people dying in this wreck brings 7 people home to Christ… I don’t know… it just seems to work. Everything ends up “working” when God in involved, and we as humans cannot attempt to understand it. He can bring good out of the bad.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
While the plan may not be as beautiful for use here on earth, it is beautiful for God. He works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
All He asks of us is to trust Him.
So where IS God when it hurts?
He is WITH YOU! Where He loves to be. Right by your side. When you can’t feel Him, turn to Him, ask Him to reveal himself to you, because he is there. Maybe He already has revealed Himself, but other things has caused you to inadvertently avoid His knocking…but He is there and will always listen, no matter how many times we have ignored Him. What Amazing Grace!
--------------------------
Where is God when it hurts? He is in us-not in the things that hurt-helping to transform bad into good. We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good.” –Phillip Yancey
--------------------------
I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside,
GodCome and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need YouI need You
~”Here I Am” Shawn McDonald
*A couple of things I turned to for this long drawn out blog:
Bk: “Where is God when it Hurts?” Philip Yancey.
Bk: “Don’t Waste Your Life” John Piper
Ron Williams message, March 4, 2007 (check it out on the Pathway Podcast)
...when you hurt over an ended relationship
...when you hurt over a lack of a relationship
...when you hurt over crisis in your life (i.e. finances, family, friends)
...when you hurt because of death, tragedy…
............crisis, tragedy...........
We are all on a journey in life. Some parts are high, others are low. But in the end, where our heart is… is what matters most. We try to avoid the low parts, the parts when we hurt, but we know they only make us stronger and it’s how you react to those low parts that shape our lives.
In the moment you feel so abandoned by God, He is working in your heart.
God will use who and what He wants to use to accomplish what he wants to do in your lives. (Job 12:13-14; Ecclesiastes 3:1)
"My prayers are with you…”
When tragedy strikes, so many people are quick to say that. Am I out of line to say that it’s beginning to sound like a cliché? Do people really truly pray for those who are faced with adversity, or it is all for show or simply something to say when something bad happens. We are so quick to cling to God when our worlds are crashing down on us. I feel like so many of us have grown up on our parent’s faith, or our small town’s faith, yet we have yet to build our own faith. If you’re going to say you will pray for someone… do it, because they need our prayers. And do it with a sincere heart.
Yeah, we may have all prayed that prayer as a child, but as adults we have a responsibility for our own lives. Our parents will not be there to account for our lives when it comes to the day we come face to face with God.
Just because God forgives us and gives second changes, it is not a license to keep living our lives the way we want to and go back to what we’ve done before. Doing so is mocking the cross, and sinning out of pleasure and joy over and over again because we know He will forgive us is like nailing Him to the cross over and over again. (Piper)
Yet, through tragedy, so much as happened this week that reminds me of God’s protection.
Last week my friend’s parents were involved in a huge scare on an airplane where their engine failed coming home from the Dominican Republic. This was actually a second plane they had boarded because their first plane wouldn’t ascend. After an emergency landing back in the D.R., they were safe. God protected them.
My roommate and I were in a minor wreck on Saturday night. It could have been a lot worse than it was. God protected us.
...The Bluffton bus wreck. It was really a tragedy, and I hate all of it and my heart aches for everyone involved. I feel connected, as I realize 5-6 years ago I would have known everyone on that team, plus with the Berne students and families involved. South Adams has had someone on that team almost every year for a long time now. It could have very easily been the track team when my brother Jeff was on it 5 years ago. It’s almost to the point where I can place myself there that morning because my thoughts and prayers have not left those involved… yet I know that my thoughts about it are nowhere near the horror it must have been.
What so many people are focusing on is the bad in this accident, and it’s easy to do. I have been doing it too. But God’s protection was placed all over that accident. For those that survived, the numbers could have been switched around and 28 died, not 7. God knew it was going to happen before it did. He knew which players would survive. Those that survived were in the seats they were on the bus at that moment for a reason.
As everyone says, God isn’t finished with the survivors yet. There’s a plan for their lives. God can create storms to bring His children back to Him.
It is up to use to make the decision to run father from Him or draw near to Him, and running from God always comes at a price to others. He is the ultimate comfort. God’s hand was all over the bus that morning, and He WAS protecting them.
But what about those whose lives were taken in the accident?
Where was God’s protection then?
God has a plan that we cannot even begin to trace. That is one of the mysteries of God that I personally do not want to know. If we seriously knew God’s will for our lives, how exciting would that be? We would know exactly when we die, and would be counting our days.
If 7 people dying in this wreck brings 7 people home to Christ… I don’t know… it just seems to work. Everything ends up “working” when God in involved, and we as humans cannot attempt to understand it. He can bring good out of the bad.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
While the plan may not be as beautiful for use here on earth, it is beautiful for God. He works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
All He asks of us is to trust Him.
So where IS God when it hurts?
He is WITH YOU! Where He loves to be. Right by your side. When you can’t feel Him, turn to Him, ask Him to reveal himself to you, because he is there. Maybe He already has revealed Himself, but other things has caused you to inadvertently avoid His knocking…but He is there and will always listen, no matter how many times we have ignored Him. What Amazing Grace!
--------------------------
Where is God when it hurts? He is in us-not in the things that hurt-helping to transform bad into good. We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good.” –Phillip Yancey
--------------------------
I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside,
GodCome and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need YouI need You
~”Here I Am” Shawn McDonald
*A couple of things I turned to for this long drawn out blog:
Bk: “Where is God when it Hurts?” Philip Yancey.
Bk: “Don’t Waste Your Life” John Piper
Ron Williams message, March 4, 2007 (check it out on the Pathway Podcast)
i digress... and must love the thorn
(the following is a post from Nov. 12, 2006 on myspace)
Wow..
Tonight at the Core I was thinking about everything that I just blogged about 30 minutes before I left for the Core. Worship and the "new" way that Jeff (our young adult leader) had all of us pray brought me to tears...
We sang "It is Well with my Soul", then "Jesus Paid it All".. I really think the order of worship songs tonight really was perfect for me (if that makes sense). One of the verses of the second song is as follows:
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Our God is so great that he can melt the heart of stone!!! Did I not just blog about how my mom's heart is so hard and it just seems impossible to soften it?
Then, Jeff read Psalm 27 three times and we were to pick out the word that pops out most to you and discuss with God what we think He is trying to tell us. The word FEAR stuck out for me...and this is why.....
Yes, there are many people who think it is impossible for my mom's heart to change... but like that ancient hymn says; his power can melt the heart of stone. I will be the person, if no one else will, to make an effort without being fearful of the effects and how she will respond to me. I know God will protect my heart and though I may get hurt from words or actions on her part, and if she "disowns" me all together then so be it. I will depend on Him because he is constantly faithful and has proven that to me over and over.
I have a thorn in my side.. I must honor the thorn as it says in the Bible, but if I do not want it to be a thorn anymore... I will do something about it.
Wow..
Tonight at the Core I was thinking about everything that I just blogged about 30 minutes before I left for the Core. Worship and the "new" way that Jeff (our young adult leader) had all of us pray brought me to tears...
We sang "It is Well with my Soul", then "Jesus Paid it All".. I really think the order of worship songs tonight really was perfect for me (if that makes sense). One of the verses of the second song is as follows:
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Our God is so great that he can melt the heart of stone!!! Did I not just blog about how my mom's heart is so hard and it just seems impossible to soften it?
Then, Jeff read Psalm 27 three times and we were to pick out the word that pops out most to you and discuss with God what we think He is trying to tell us. The word FEAR stuck out for me...and this is why.....
Yes, there are many people who think it is impossible for my mom's heart to change... but like that ancient hymn says; his power can melt the heart of stone. I will be the person, if no one else will, to make an effort without being fearful of the effects and how she will respond to me. I know God will protect my heart and though I may get hurt from words or actions on her part, and if she "disowns" me all together then so be it. I will depend on Him because he is constantly faithful and has proven that to me over and over.
I have a thorn in my side.. I must honor the thorn as it says in the Bible, but if I do not want it to be a thorn anymore... I will do something about it.
a thorn in my side
(this blog is from my myspace Nov. 12, 2006)
Ron talked about how God is faithful and we are not today at church. He made references to the thorns in your life that just won't go away. I have had that running in my head all day... I hate it when there is just something that you want to go away or get better but you realize that it never will... and you will have to confront it on many occasions in your life. I often find myself asking God why He can't just take it away.. I didn't sign up for this. But something else that I have had running my head all day is that through it all, God is FAITHFUL to me. He just wants me to depend on him through all of this. I know I must depend on him and he always proves to be faithful in some way.
But I hurt for my mom. I want her to know the love of God what we know. I want her to be happy and free of all the struggles that must be going on in her mind. I don't get her at all. I have wondered if it was something to do with how she was raised, but her siblings are fine. I don't know how to help her except to pray. She has countlessly been exposed to faith over and over in her life... I mean my dad stuck by her forever and I'm sure he prayed for her every night of their marriage...even though I'm also sure he didn't feel like it. I want her to change.. but I can't make her change. Its all up to her and her hard heart needs to soften. But like my sister said... it's been hard for 54 years and the harder it becomes and the more she rejects a relationship with Christ... the harder it will be for it to break. (You were right Mel is it in Romans... 1:18-32) Yes I hurt for my mom, but sometimes I'm tired of hurting for her. At the same time, I know God never gets tired of being faithful to us. The same, unchanging God that was there for me as a child and through my life was there for my mom knocking at her heart plenty of times only to get denied... and that's one of the reason's that I hurt for my mom.
Thanks for your prayers this weekend... I was sick to my stomach at the height of the day...but we all got through it and through the subtle but powerful cynical comments that were often heard.
P.S. Jake has to be put to sleep probably sometime this week.... :(
P.P.S. The CBS announcer totally just said "the Baltimore Colts are undefeated 9-0 for the second season in a row.."
P.P.P.S. I used to do this whole
P.P.P.P.P.S. thing when I wrote to my church camp friends and I don't even know what it really means
Ron talked about how God is faithful and we are not today at church. He made references to the thorns in your life that just won't go away. I have had that running in my head all day... I hate it when there is just something that you want to go away or get better but you realize that it never will... and you will have to confront it on many occasions in your life. I often find myself asking God why He can't just take it away.. I didn't sign up for this. But something else that I have had running my head all day is that through it all, God is FAITHFUL to me. He just wants me to depend on him through all of this. I know I must depend on him and he always proves to be faithful in some way.
But I hurt for my mom. I want her to know the love of God what we know. I want her to be happy and free of all the struggles that must be going on in her mind. I don't get her at all. I have wondered if it was something to do with how she was raised, but her siblings are fine. I don't know how to help her except to pray. She has countlessly been exposed to faith over and over in her life... I mean my dad stuck by her forever and I'm sure he prayed for her every night of their marriage...even though I'm also sure he didn't feel like it. I want her to change.. but I can't make her change. Its all up to her and her hard heart needs to soften. But like my sister said... it's been hard for 54 years and the harder it becomes and the more she rejects a relationship with Christ... the harder it will be for it to break. (You were right Mel is it in Romans... 1:18-32) Yes I hurt for my mom, but sometimes I'm tired of hurting for her. At the same time, I know God never gets tired of being faithful to us. The same, unchanging God that was there for me as a child and through my life was there for my mom knocking at her heart plenty of times only to get denied... and that's one of the reason's that I hurt for my mom.
Thanks for your prayers this weekend... I was sick to my stomach at the height of the day...but we all got through it and through the subtle but powerful cynical comments that were often heard.
P.S. Jake has to be put to sleep probably sometime this week.... :(
P.P.S. The CBS announcer totally just said "the Baltimore Colts are undefeated 9-0 for the second season in a row.."
P.P.P.S. I used to do this whole
P.P.P.P.P.S. thing when I wrote to my church camp friends and I don't even know what it really means
...the sound of just the footsteps of 24,000 people walking the streets of Atlanta
(the following is copied from my myspace blog from January 6, 2007)
...it was simply amazing.
24,000 young adults gathered in Atlanta, Georgia from January 1-4 and I was fortunate enough to be a part of it. On the last night, everyone walked in complete silence, some from a 15 minute walk away, from their family groups to gather right outside the Georgia Dome. (Normally throughout the week we have had to be separated into two venues and satellited, because Phillips Arena cannot hold everyone.)
It was amazing.
Complete silence.
All you could hear was the footsteps of many (besides the normal city noises)... all with the intention to gather to a place to worship, to be still before God (well I had to be because I lost my voice).. and it was hard not to imagine what heaven would be like. It was 11:00 at night so there were still people out and about... but all they could do was look in astonishment, (or sometimes confusion) at what was happening.
There, before them, was a massive group of people walking and being still before their God. The silence continued until everyone was gathered in a huge crowd, standing before a large screen and stage, and besides hearing the roar of the helicopter overhead.. it was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. The night was perfect.
I'm one of those that can more easily draw close to God through nature... and while walking to the site, I noticed the sky being covered in clouds. However, how appropriate it was that just before Chris Tomlin started leading worship... the clouds parted and there was an opening in the clouds just big enough for the openness to hover over our worship area. The moon was full and shining. God's light was shining. :) 24,000 people worshipping under God's creation that night was amazing.. and with that many people worshipping God, it made it even easier to get a taste of what our eternal PARTY will be like.
On the way back to our hotels, the whole crowd CHEERING for GOD while walking the streets at 12:30a.m. made the night even better. That's just a taste of how awesome my week was. I was not prepared for what God was about to reveal to me.
So many things happened this week that as I look back on them, I realize that it happened for a reason.
1. I lost my voice, mainly on Wednesday, which one of my family group members simply said... its a sign just to listen to God for the day. Wednesday is what broke me.
2. Upon getting to my community group on Tuesday night, I realized that I left my camera in the arena. I wasn't worried too much.. but during our worship set in community group about 10 minutes later, Shane Bernard mentioned how we care too much about the things of this world, such as iPods (not me). But I obviously thought about how I love my camera and daily check these things we call myspace and facebook. It has to stop! :)
3. My family group was all girls and small. Perfect. I could be more vulnerable and myself.
4. The community group that I thought I was supposed to be in turned out not being the group... so I had to turn around the first night and walk the 15 minute walk to where the pink striped group met. Honestly, I was disappointed. Why would I want to walk all the way over to the Westin anyway... :) I thought I didn't know anyone in my community group whereas before, Stephanie was going to be in my group. Well, turns out the last community group session, I see that Mike Lee is there. He was in there the whole time... and I'm glad I didn't know he was (no offense, Mike). The whole community group miss up turned out amazing. Shane, from one of my favorite duo Shane & Shane, turned out to be our worship leader. Their songs always speak to me.
There specifically was a song that we sang each day which was continually in my head the rest of the week. When I woke up, the song was in my head. When I went to bed, the song was in my head... and pretty much all throughout the rest of the day.
Here are some of the lyrics:
"Awaken what's inside of me,
Tune my heart to all you are in me
Even though You're here, God Come."
My heart was awakened this week.
All the speakers, both the breakout sessions, and the songs just spoke volumes to me and I really believe that what was inside of me was awakened this week. Each session I went to spoke to me.
The whole idea of Passion was ::SHINE:: ... to Do something NOW! How hard it is for me to come back home and get back to "life" and the routine I was in before.
My friend Alison, who's in Africa teaching, sent me this in part of an email, which I would like to share:
" Do not think that just because you are on a high that it is not God speaking. A lot of times when we are in an environment where the people just want to worship GOD and hear him the Holy Spirit's voice is intensified and you hear more clearly. Then when you leave you might start on a down slope and think "WOW that was great, but maybe I just got carried away and did not hear right. " NO NO Janelle, You did hear right and Satan had no place being there that is why there was so much joy and clarity. Now that you entered back into the world. Satan is King of it, so he will try to discrouage you any way he can... So that Passion.... KEEP IT .. It is real!!"
Last year when looking for a teaching job, a leader in my young adult group informed me about an opportunity in Africa to teach at a boarding school. Then, Pathway took a group to Mozambique.. and although I went to the meeting, I didn't pursue because of finances and the intensity of the trip that was conveyed by the guy overseeing it.
While at Passion, I was wondering if God really did want me there..somewhere, in some way. I think He's been knocking at my heart's door for a while now and it was at Passion when I finally opened the door a crack and peered through at what He wants me to do. During the last session, the Passion team prayed over the whole arena(s). Those that felt called to GO during the week were to stand. I quickly processed everything I heard over Passion and don't know exactly why I did stand, but I did. And, when I did, I broke. Now, if this call from God wasn't real... then why would I be in tears over the thought of it.
Since being back, I have had a friend randomly tell me "just go to Africa, you've always wanted to go there anyway" (thanks elan). He had no idea. But only if he knew... At work, we have a song we play over head that is also sung in Africaans language ("We Fall Down").. and it came on right when I was thinking about all this. Then, at church today, the first thing I saw in the bulletin is an announcement for another Mozambique trip for twelve days in July. Immediately the thought of finances went through my head.. but... Ron talked about money and the message was about how our money is GOD'S resources.
I'm trying to discern whether the whole overseas missions thing is what God wants for me. And if it is... how long? To teach? For a short time? I just need to spend time talking to people about it and most importantly, praying about it.
But all my life I've learned from my mom that I'm worthless and have kept things bottled up.
I keep thinking "Who am I to be able to do this?" But... as was said in one of the sessions... God will use who he wants to use.
I have to get over the fear of not being able to raise support...
I have to get over the fear of going and being away from family.
I have to get over the uncertainty of the unknown, because I know God will be with me.
I have to quit running and just answer His call!
On another note not dealing with missions (at least global missions)...
Since Passion I've already tried sharing my faith to my mom, but only ended up hurt in the end. Before passion, I was "okay"with the whole idea that she wasn't a Christian because I found myself saying it is SO HARD to have a relationship with her... but that's just not right of me to feel that way! I want her in the After Party.
Oh, and one more thing...
::SHINE::
**If you are reading this, please pray for my community group leader. Tim found out a week before he came to Passion to lead us that his cancer, which he thought was in remission, has spread to his bones. We found this out the last session... he has a wife and baby at home.
Okay I know that was a super long blog but its just what was on my mind after this conference.
(For all who went, the song "Fire Fall Down" and "From the Inside Out" is on a Hillsong United CD... just to temporarily satisfy us until the Passion CD comes out)
...it was simply amazing.
24,000 young adults gathered in Atlanta, Georgia from January 1-4 and I was fortunate enough to be a part of it. On the last night, everyone walked in complete silence, some from a 15 minute walk away, from their family groups to gather right outside the Georgia Dome. (Normally throughout the week we have had to be separated into two venues and satellited, because Phillips Arena cannot hold everyone.)
It was amazing.
Complete silence.
All you could hear was the footsteps of many (besides the normal city noises)... all with the intention to gather to a place to worship, to be still before God (well I had to be because I lost my voice).. and it was hard not to imagine what heaven would be like. It was 11:00 at night so there were still people out and about... but all they could do was look in astonishment, (or sometimes confusion) at what was happening.
There, before them, was a massive group of people walking and being still before their God. The silence continued until everyone was gathered in a huge crowd, standing before a large screen and stage, and besides hearing the roar of the helicopter overhead.. it was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. The night was perfect.
I'm one of those that can more easily draw close to God through nature... and while walking to the site, I noticed the sky being covered in clouds. However, how appropriate it was that just before Chris Tomlin started leading worship... the clouds parted and there was an opening in the clouds just big enough for the openness to hover over our worship area. The moon was full and shining. God's light was shining. :) 24,000 people worshipping under God's creation that night was amazing.. and with that many people worshipping God, it made it even easier to get a taste of what our eternal PARTY will be like.
On the way back to our hotels, the whole crowd CHEERING for GOD while walking the streets at 12:30a.m. made the night even better. That's just a taste of how awesome my week was. I was not prepared for what God was about to reveal to me.
So many things happened this week that as I look back on them, I realize that it happened for a reason.
1. I lost my voice, mainly on Wednesday, which one of my family group members simply said... its a sign just to listen to God for the day. Wednesday is what broke me.
2. Upon getting to my community group on Tuesday night, I realized that I left my camera in the arena. I wasn't worried too much.. but during our worship set in community group about 10 minutes later, Shane Bernard mentioned how we care too much about the things of this world, such as iPods (not me). But I obviously thought about how I love my camera and daily check these things we call myspace and facebook. It has to stop! :)
3. My family group was all girls and small. Perfect. I could be more vulnerable and myself.
4. The community group that I thought I was supposed to be in turned out not being the group... so I had to turn around the first night and walk the 15 minute walk to where the pink striped group met. Honestly, I was disappointed. Why would I want to walk all the way over to the Westin anyway... :) I thought I didn't know anyone in my community group whereas before, Stephanie was going to be in my group. Well, turns out the last community group session, I see that Mike Lee is there. He was in there the whole time... and I'm glad I didn't know he was (no offense, Mike). The whole community group miss up turned out amazing. Shane, from one of my favorite duo Shane & Shane, turned out to be our worship leader. Their songs always speak to me.
There specifically was a song that we sang each day which was continually in my head the rest of the week. When I woke up, the song was in my head. When I went to bed, the song was in my head... and pretty much all throughout the rest of the day.
Here are some of the lyrics:
"Awaken what's inside of me,
Tune my heart to all you are in me
Even though You're here, God Come."
My heart was awakened this week.
All the speakers, both the breakout sessions, and the songs just spoke volumes to me and I really believe that what was inside of me was awakened this week. Each session I went to spoke to me.
The whole idea of Passion was ::SHINE:: ... to Do something NOW! How hard it is for me to come back home and get back to "life" and the routine I was in before.
My friend Alison, who's in Africa teaching, sent me this in part of an email, which I would like to share:
" Do not think that just because you are on a high that it is not God speaking. A lot of times when we are in an environment where the people just want to worship GOD and hear him the Holy Spirit's voice is intensified and you hear more clearly. Then when you leave you might start on a down slope and think "WOW that was great, but maybe I just got carried away and did not hear right. " NO NO Janelle, You did hear right and Satan had no place being there that is why there was so much joy and clarity. Now that you entered back into the world. Satan is King of it, so he will try to discrouage you any way he can... So that Passion.... KEEP IT .. It is real!!"
Last year when looking for a teaching job, a leader in my young adult group informed me about an opportunity in Africa to teach at a boarding school. Then, Pathway took a group to Mozambique.. and although I went to the meeting, I didn't pursue because of finances and the intensity of the trip that was conveyed by the guy overseeing it.
While at Passion, I was wondering if God really did want me there..somewhere, in some way. I think He's been knocking at my heart's door for a while now and it was at Passion when I finally opened the door a crack and peered through at what He wants me to do. During the last session, the Passion team prayed over the whole arena(s). Those that felt called to GO during the week were to stand. I quickly processed everything I heard over Passion and don't know exactly why I did stand, but I did. And, when I did, I broke. Now, if this call from God wasn't real... then why would I be in tears over the thought of it.
Since being back, I have had a friend randomly tell me "just go to Africa, you've always wanted to go there anyway" (thanks elan). He had no idea. But only if he knew... At work, we have a song we play over head that is also sung in Africaans language ("We Fall Down").. and it came on right when I was thinking about all this. Then, at church today, the first thing I saw in the bulletin is an announcement for another Mozambique trip for twelve days in July. Immediately the thought of finances went through my head.. but... Ron talked about money and the message was about how our money is GOD'S resources.
I'm trying to discern whether the whole overseas missions thing is what God wants for me. And if it is... how long? To teach? For a short time? I just need to spend time talking to people about it and most importantly, praying about it.
But all my life I've learned from my mom that I'm worthless and have kept things bottled up.
I keep thinking "Who am I to be able to do this?" But... as was said in one of the sessions... God will use who he wants to use.
I have to get over the fear of not being able to raise support...
I have to get over the fear of going and being away from family.
I have to get over the uncertainty of the unknown, because I know God will be with me.
I have to quit running and just answer His call!
On another note not dealing with missions (at least global missions)...
Since Passion I've already tried sharing my faith to my mom, but only ended up hurt in the end. Before passion, I was "okay"with the whole idea that she wasn't a Christian because I found myself saying it is SO HARD to have a relationship with her... but that's just not right of me to feel that way! I want her in the After Party.
Oh, and one more thing...
::SHINE::
**If you are reading this, please pray for my community group leader. Tim found out a week before he came to Passion to lead us that his cancer, which he thought was in remission, has spread to his bones. We found this out the last session... he has a wife and baby at home.
Okay I know that was a super long blog but its just what was on my mind after this conference.
(For all who went, the song "Fire Fall Down" and "From the Inside Out" is on a Hillsong United CD... just to temporarily satisfy us until the Passion CD comes out)
Saturday, March 3, 2007
It's another thing to do to waste my time...
Ok, I intend to not let this take over any more of my time than I already use up on facebook or myspace. Granted, there are blogs on myspace as well, but since my profile is on private and I only use it to contact my friends and some family, I thought I would make a blog online so that some friends and family who may not have myspace can check up on my blogs.
...if you like reading my blogs anyway.
I have to promise myself though that this will not consume any of my time. It is something I've been praying and working through - time management. Between working two jobs, and our Beth Moore girls study, its so easy to push the important things aside and just come home from work and veg out on the computer as a relaxer before bed.
So the next select few blogs are transferred over from my myspace.
Have a great weekend.
Be blessed
...if you like reading my blogs anyway.
I have to promise myself though that this will not consume any of my time. It is something I've been praying and working through - time management. Between working two jobs, and our Beth Moore girls study, its so easy to push the important things aside and just come home from work and veg out on the computer as a relaxer before bed.
So the next select few blogs are transferred over from my myspace.
Have a great weekend.
Be blessed
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