I have big plans for this summer!!!
It's absolutely crazy and I kept telling God that I didn't think I could do it, nor did I really want to... but, its happening anyway. It's something completely out of my comfort zone... I know I will be completely stretched. But what it came down to and what I kept hearing is this.... "WHY NOT?"
Please pray as I prepare, and that the little details fall into place. I'll share more later
Saturday, January 24, 2009
whole in heaven
From December 18, 2008
Couldn't sleep.. lately its been a common occurance.
Tonight a co-workers' mother's life was celebrated at Pathway. I sat through the service in awe of the family, in how they were truly in awe of Christ and worshipping him... arms high and hearts abandoned.
It was truly a celebration of this lady's life, who by the attendance, it was obvious she reached so many people. She lived selflessly, loved Christ, and made known to her kids that as much as she loves them, our Father in heaven loves them more. She prayed prayers of gratefulness and affirmation during her final moments, rather than of desparation and pleading, and sang the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" during her final moments. What a remarkable woman; whom I never met, but I feel like I knew her a long time when walking out of church tonight. And then the slide show at the end... the pictures of her with a smile that radiated joy while enjoying moments with her family, even in the last few years when her body has been consumed with sickness.
I couldn't help thinking about how I will never know that special bond that family has. Well, I could some day but that day seems a LONG ways away. I will never know that love that Becky gave her children. I will never experience the closeness of a family at a time of greiving if God choses to end Mom's life before mine. Her funeral will not have joyous pictures of the family together. And, I will never have that peace of knowing that Mom would be whole in heaven.
That's the attitude that has come to mind the past few services that I've gone to such as tonight. But these services also help me realize something.
I feel defeated every time I try to share my faith with my mom. Her mentality about things seem to diminish and suffocate any hope. It frustrates me because sometimes I think deep down inside her she is crying for help but she refuses it at the same time. When I try to be a vessel, I end up getting hurt in the end, and sometimes think I'm not the one who God wants to be that light to her. But if I'm not, who is? If my siblings aren't, who is?
I pray for strength, endurance, and motivation to do something about this. I feel like I've been so hardened to the situation. I get upset when I experience things like tonight, but then other times I get the "I don't care" attitude because we don't have a relationship and never really have. But I really do care about her salvation. However, ultimately, I know its a choice that is between her and God.
Megan told me how it was harder tonight because her family was so close, but that she knows she's been blessed and lucky. I know God has blessed me. Through friends. Through family. I have learned how to love and care for others by other people God has placed in my life, and for that I am grateful.
But it all comes down to what has been on my mind for the past 3 months... I just want my mom to be whole in heaven some day, too. If I have to put my feelings on the line... then I'll do it. Now I just have to do it... which is the hard part.
Couldn't sleep.. lately its been a common occurance.
Tonight a co-workers' mother's life was celebrated at Pathway. I sat through the service in awe of the family, in how they were truly in awe of Christ and worshipping him... arms high and hearts abandoned.
It was truly a celebration of this lady's life, who by the attendance, it was obvious she reached so many people. She lived selflessly, loved Christ, and made known to her kids that as much as she loves them, our Father in heaven loves them more. She prayed prayers of gratefulness and affirmation during her final moments, rather than of desparation and pleading, and sang the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" during her final moments. What a remarkable woman; whom I never met, but I feel like I knew her a long time when walking out of church tonight. And then the slide show at the end... the pictures of her with a smile that radiated joy while enjoying moments with her family, even in the last few years when her body has been consumed with sickness.
I couldn't help thinking about how I will never know that special bond that family has. Well, I could some day but that day seems a LONG ways away. I will never know that love that Becky gave her children. I will never experience the closeness of a family at a time of greiving if God choses to end Mom's life before mine. Her funeral will not have joyous pictures of the family together. And, I will never have that peace of knowing that Mom would be whole in heaven.
That's the attitude that has come to mind the past few services that I've gone to such as tonight. But these services also help me realize something.
I feel defeated every time I try to share my faith with my mom. Her mentality about things seem to diminish and suffocate any hope. It frustrates me because sometimes I think deep down inside her she is crying for help but she refuses it at the same time. When I try to be a vessel, I end up getting hurt in the end, and sometimes think I'm not the one who God wants to be that light to her. But if I'm not, who is? If my siblings aren't, who is?
I pray for strength, endurance, and motivation to do something about this. I feel like I've been so hardened to the situation. I get upset when I experience things like tonight, but then other times I get the "I don't care" attitude because we don't have a relationship and never really have. But I really do care about her salvation. However, ultimately, I know its a choice that is between her and God.
Megan told me how it was harder tonight because her family was so close, but that she knows she's been blessed and lucky. I know God has blessed me. Through friends. Through family. I have learned how to love and care for others by other people God has placed in my life, and for that I am grateful.
But it all comes down to what has been on my mind for the past 3 months... I just want my mom to be whole in heaven some day, too. If I have to put my feelings on the line... then I'll do it. Now I just have to do it... which is the hard part.
Grandpa
This is an article in the hometown paper about my Grandpa. It was good to read his comments on the questions he was asked, as he doesn't talk much.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Lehman's life continues to be woven with lots of work
By Jim Langham
Lifelong resident Willis Lehman continued to do the same thing on his 95th birthday on Thursday that he has done the rest of his life—get up at 6:15 a.m. and prepared to go to work.
Lehman, a resident at Swiss Village, spends six days a week cutting jeans, sewing them together, and weaving them into carpets, placemats, and mug mats.
That's his primary job. His backup work involves working with ceramics. He cleans ceramics as they come out of the kiln, cleans them up, and paints them. That only happens on Wednesday.
In his recreation time on Friday morning, Lehman hits the home's pool area to poke the pool balls into the side pockets. That is perhaps his latest passion, one that he didn't take up until his wife, Maggie (Wulliman), passed several years ago.
"He really hit the ground running when they (Willis and Maggie) moved here in 1990," said Willis' son, Orlyn Lehman. "He's always doing something. I don't think that he ever would have imagined that he would take up pool when he was close to 90-years-old."
Lehman is currently Swiss Village's longest living resident in the same apartment.He credits his passion for weaving to Barb Yoder and Sharon Allspaw, who first introduced the idea of weaving.. 
"At first when I looked at it, I didn't know if I wanted to do it," observed Lehman. "But when I started, I realized that there wasn't much to it. There wasn't much to learn."That was over 1,100 rugs and hundreds of place mats and mug mats ago. These days, Lehman can be found at his place of work six days a week. His work is sold in a Swiss Village shop. In addition, he takes custom-made orders from customers in the community.
"You start up with jeans; you cut them up into pieces," explained Lehman. "You tear them into strips and then you have to sew them together. The different colors of denim in the jeans causes variations in the color of the carpets.
"When you're finished, you tie the strips at the end into knots, and that's all there is to it," added Lehman.Lehman was born to William and Caroline Lehman on Jan. 31, 1913. He was raised on the old home place, located on the south side of the road, two miles east of Berne on Indiana 218.
He farmed his entire life until he moved to Swiss Village."I started milking as soon as I could make it up to the cow," mused Lehman.
He initially attended the Hirschy School (one-room) and eventually Berne High School. During his community service with the Mennonite Church, he worked on the state hospital farm near Norristown, PA.
His greatest joy at the First Mennonite Church was assisting with outreach projects such as the church's meat canning project. He also enjoyed activity with the church's men's fellowship group, as well as other "helping projects.
"When asked the secret of his longevity and good health, Lehman replied, "there are not secrets, the Lord gave me a strong heart and a good clean mind."I just enjoy doing this (weaving," continued Lehman. "It's okay; it's a lot of fun. I feel good when people tell me how much they enjoy the rugs. The Lord has really been good to my family and me.
"When I think of it, I realize that I'm getting closer to 100," said Lehman. "Sometimes I wonder how close I'm going to get. The Lord has been good to my family and me. I've tried to be faithful, read the Bible, and pray."
posted by Clint Anderson @ 10:44 AM
I always know where to find Grandpa when I go visit. :)
something to think about
I CHOOSE JOY…
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings,created by God. I will refuse to see any problem asanything less than an opportunity to see God.
I CHOOSE PATIENCE…
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'llinvite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a momentto pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings,created by God. I will refuse to see any problem asanything less than an opportunity to see God.
I CHOOSE PATIENCE…
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'llinvite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a momentto pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
are we missing the point?
From an old myspace blog:
I don't think it was a mistake that I experienced this in Africa...
We were at a church service there, in the middle of the slum, where there are thousands and thousands of people going days without food. They had a blanket covering a piece of equipment up front. During the beginning of the service, they uncovered it with a big announcement that "our offering money helped us to buy a new and better keyboard and soundboard". This keyboard had different effects to it and background noises. They were all so happy.
That money was used to buy things for the church to use to "have better worship services" when there were starving children in the one mile radius around them.
What has America done? What are churches in America doing? We have sadly gone there and shown them the America way. We have shown them our Westernized way of doing things.
Churches are running themselves as businesses, not ministries. Unfortunately, the ripple effect is hitting other places in the community as well that could use the support of churches (I think you know what I'm talking about.) Its all about spending mega bucks on your kids ministry so you churches can get the most people in, so that in turn, more offering money will come in, so then they can use that money to buy things like better keyboards sound boards. Its a repeated cycle that never ends. Local and global missions are pushed to the side.
I was at church not too long after I returned from Africa and there was an insert in our bulletin for equipment needed... along with the prices of each item. I could not see any of those items as necessities for a church to have. A $17,000 digital sound mixer? $12,000 for screens in the sanctuary when we already have one? A leaf blower? Seriously?? Are we really that lazy. I will go rake leaves for free if it means sending that money somewhere that needs it.
Are we, as a church, the body... are we missing the point??
I don't think it was a mistake that I experienced this in Africa...
We were at a church service there, in the middle of the slum, where there are thousands and thousands of people going days without food. They had a blanket covering a piece of equipment up front. During the beginning of the service, they uncovered it with a big announcement that "our offering money helped us to buy a new and better keyboard and soundboard". This keyboard had different effects to it and background noises. They were all so happy.
That money was used to buy things for the church to use to "have better worship services" when there were starving children in the one mile radius around them.
What has America done? What are churches in America doing? We have sadly gone there and shown them the America way. We have shown them our Westernized way of doing things.
Churches are running themselves as businesses, not ministries. Unfortunately, the ripple effect is hitting other places in the community as well that could use the support of churches (I think you know what I'm talking about.) Its all about spending mega bucks on your kids ministry so you churches can get the most people in, so that in turn, more offering money will come in, so then they can use that money to buy things like better keyboards sound boards. Its a repeated cycle that never ends. Local and global missions are pushed to the side.
I was at church not too long after I returned from Africa and there was an insert in our bulletin for equipment needed... along with the prices of each item. I could not see any of those items as necessities for a church to have. A $17,000 digital sound mixer? $12,000 for screens in the sanctuary when we already have one? A leaf blower? Seriously?? Are we really that lazy. I will go rake leaves for free if it means sending that money somewhere that needs it.
Are we, as a church, the body... are we missing the point??
Monday, September 8, 2008
a glimpse into my africa journal
from august. 01. 2008
a glimpse into my Africa journal
Ok... I've had this typed out for the past two weeks but never logged into Myspace to post it. When I got back from the Dominican, I had a lot of thinking to do. While on the trip, a couple had to leave only on the 2nd day because her father died. Of course, my feelings and thoughts from last year when my grandma died while i was in Africa all came rushing back to me. I didn't get the timing and irony again, but I know God was teaching me to go to Him first, that since I've been through it I can be there for them, and what it is like for a team to gather and support and pray. I came home and read my Africa journal because it had been exactly a year since Grandma's passing. I've told some of you that I would let you read my thoughts so rather than giving you my journal, here is a glimpse. This is the last I'm writing about this, because this Dominican Trip oddly enough gave me a lot of the closure that I've been searching for. I hate that it had to happen on account of friends goign through the exact same thing, too. :(
Seriously, its just a glimpse... I wrote A LOT!!! Africa was 7 hours ahead.
-----------------------
July 16th: It's 7:15a.m. and Mel just called. I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly what Sammy was pounding on the door for when I heard his voice. My dreams suddenly switched from one thing to another. I dreamt that Mel called while I was here to tell me something about Grandma, just as I heard a phone call, I was awakened by the pounding on our compound door (that's separate from Sammy's house so I would have never heard his phone ring) and Sammy yelling my name. I climbed out of the bunk bed and found my way to the door and Sammy had his phone up. Because I tried to stay away from contact from home during this month and told Mel to call only if something bad happened to Grandma, my heart sunk and I started crying before I even reached for the phone. Here's the deal. She is not doing well and keeps going in and out. They are meeting Friday to discuss stopping care, machines, medications, which means if I want to say goodbye I must transfer my plane tickets and leave here early. Mel said she would help me do that. I told her I needed time to pray about it. What's the timing in this Lord? Help me to know what to do? Why can't they wait a little longer? She has made it this long from having her surgery the day we flew out... but am I being selfish in all this? Will she even be coherant enough to know I'm even there if I leave early? All these questions! She was so worried about me coming here. What would she want me to do? Where is her heart with you God? She was so scared going into this surgery. My heart aches right now. I went out to the tent to talk to Sammy. He prayed over me and the situation. I know I must trust God and acknowledge Him in this situation. There is a reason this happened now. I know God works for the good of those who love him. I'm leaning on God, especially because I'm not sure if I'll get the support needed from my team here. I have a big decision to make which could affect my life in the near future upon my return home. I have to trust God ocmpletely. As Sammy said, present your worries to God but don't let your worries move you. I can't let the idea of a possible guilt trip from Mom cloud my judgement.
I don't want to leave here early. I already get upset at the idea of leaving. I said goodbye to Grandma at the wedding two days before we left for Africa, but this is far more extreme. She's SUFFERING. She went through a lot. And the thing that hurts the most is that she appeared just fine at the wedding. She could pass away while I'm flying 16 hours alone in the air before I even get there.
I need to put my trust in God. All of it. I know he knew this would happen today while i'm 8,000 miles away from home. When I don't have comfort of those here who are my only piece of home, I know God is there and people back home are praying. I wish I was home right now because I need my friends and siblings. I'm feeling so frustrated right now because the one person who was a good friend before the trip and is my only piece of home is not even talking to me.
--------------------------------------------
Father, you see all my tears I've cried this morning. I know you are hurting with me. Even though I can't trace your hand in all this, I want to trust your heart. I want to lean on you for comfort. If I can't get a hug from friends, I know I'm seeking refuge in the shadow of your wings. Guide me in the way you want me to go. I don't want to lean on my own understanding but to acknowldge your movement in this so you can direct my paths. I love you Lord. You will be glorified in this.
-----------------------------------------
Lord I give you my heart, I give you my SoulI live for You alone, Every breath that I take,Every moment I'm awake, Lord have Your way in me
Father, have your way in me! You sent me here not to be sent home early. I trust that you can pull Grandma through this until I get home if it is your will. My ministry here can't end shortly. Lord, work in this situation here and at home. Whatever happens may I still honor, praise, worship, and glorify you. May it still be well with my soul. I trust you. I believe in you. You are my rock. Always here in times of trouble. I must hold on tight to that promise.
(as you can tell, the Psalms were my bedrock during this time)
--------------------------
7/16 evening
I called Mel tonight and told her I am not coming home early. She jus said that Grandma may not make it until Friday as her kidneys are failing and her blood pressure is beyond low. I called Anchor Room to tell them and Natalie, tried Lisa, and Tammy also.
During the prayer meeting with all my Kenya friends and only one team member there, Sammy mentioned how one of our sisters in Christ had a rough day (after telling me earlier today to not tell anyone about my situation). The whole group prayed and sang for my situation for about an hour, but it only seemed like 10-15 minutes. In the US, so many people would be weirded out and bored about this, but I was totally broken the whole time while hugging Patricia and grasping onto Boblin's hand. This is why I'm dealing with this year. I have the support of these people who hardly know me, but are praying powerful prayers 8,000 miles away from grandma's bedside. These people know what death is like all too well. They know the pain that is felt. They bury their loved ones every day.
-----------------------------
7/17Mel just called again. As I was sitting out here writing, Sammy came out with his phone. My heart skipped beats. It's a little after 7 here meaning after midnight in Ohio, and Mel, Ken, Rachael, and Jeff are all at the hospital. They have taken her off all medications. She is only on the ventilator. The funeral, if she lasts as long as the doctors say, would be Friday or Saturday. Mel said she thinks I would regret not being there, but I can't carry that regret. I immediately told Mel that I would regret leaving here, because even if it were only a few days, God can and will do amazing things in those days. He sent me here KNOWING That this would happen, so I must TRUST in his love and comfort. I woke up super early this morning not able to get to sleep so I went out in the living area and prayed for Grandma. no I know why. They were probably wondering calling me. I really need team time. Prayer with them.
--------------------
When peace like a river Attendeth my way, when Sorrows like sea bellows roll Whatever my lot though has taught me to say, Praise the Lord, It is Well with my SoulI'm getting this BAD feeling right now. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm a big homesick right now. I just want to be with the sibs. I asked the team to come together to pray this morning, but it got awkward for some reason. Sammy requested again that I do not mention anything to anyone about what is going on at home. Hot sure why, because whoever was at the prayer meeting last night knows about it. I'm grasping onto these pictures of friends and verses that the girls gave me before I left. It's my only connection to home right now. God has me where He wants me for a reason, and I hope to find what that is. I came in to pray tonight about everything but it was so weird. I started praying then completely forgot what to pray about. Then I even tried sitting up so my mind wasn't wandering like it usually does when I pray but I couldn't put a prayer into words. It was like God saying "Child, I love you, Trust me. It's in my hands."
---------------
7/18 WednesdayRight now we are doing nothing and I hate it. I feel bad. I am not going home early so I feel like I should be out there making a difference, but I'm so exhausted, kind of letting my frustrations show too much. I need rest. I have a peace about Grandma although when Sammy's phone rings my heart speeds up. I only cried once about it today. Patricia sat down and started rubbing my back and that did it. Just needed support.
--------------------------------
7/19 ThursdayIt has been two days since Mel called while she was at the hospital. I thought for sure she would call by now. God are you answering my prayers, that I would make it home in time? I prayed for clarity to know I was making the right decision in not going home, then a verse that I had in my head earlier this month came to mind. I don't think it was a mistake I read this earlier too. (Luke 9:59-62) Is that clarity enough? I trust God. This will work out the way He had planned from the beginning.
-------------------------------
Grandma passed away last night, Wednesday, at 8:30p.m. (3:30am this morning) Mel called tonight at 8:30 here. We were laughing in the tent with Sammy and Charity when Sammy's phone rang. I knew right away when he acted like he couldn't hear, then it clicked why Sammy was trying extra hard to make me laugh while eating a complete Tilapia head. He handed the phone out to me and I just laid back my head and started shaking. I didn't want to be out there. Matt, Whitney, Charity were all out there. I couldn't hear Mel very well, only that she passed away and the time she did. It must have been so scary for her. I lost connection with Mel and had to sit out in the tent since they wouldn't let me leave for 15 minutes until she called back. Meanwhile I'm sobbing in Charity's embrace, sitting there and crying and everyone still in the tent. Sammy wouldn't let anyone leave. All the YCT people were outside having a good time with no clue about what was happening. Whitney and Jess came over to rub my back. I never felt so embarrassed yet not caring really. I'm at my lowest piont unable to think, stand. Team members just apologizing for my loss. On the phone in the corner of the tent with everyone looking at me, now getting more information as Mel called again. Grandma was taken off the ventilator on Tuesday afternoon at 1:00. This would have been 8:00 Tuesday night, right about the time I came in to pray and not know what to pray about, feeling that peace from God. She lasted until Wednesday at 8:30. Mel said each of them were able to say goodbye. She was alert enough to hear them. She would smile and nod as they thanked her for having us over in the summers. They said goodbye for me too. Tehy said I wanted to be there but am doing good work here. That i LOVED HER. Mel said she smiled and tears came down her face as she said goodbye. :(What si going to happen now? To the home. I want to be there. See it again. Help go through stuff. Be with my family. Did I make the right decision? I want these doubts taken away! Mom is being well, herself about this. She originally said I shouldn't come home and now she's asking Mel why I wouldn't come home. I don't get it. I don't get the timing in all this. Why couldn't get have waited for hte surgery? And why, God, did she hold out all month only to pass away 6 days before I get back home? I'm missing the funeral. Where will my closure be? All these questions Lord. Fill my heart with an understanding and peace. Teach me amazing things from this. My heart aches. The plane ride will be miserable. Just the waiting. I need STRENGTH. I want to be around friends, family. I don't think its completely hit me yet because I'm here. I keep Deut. 31:8 in my mind, and can't get the song "It is well with my soul" out of my head.
---------------------------------------I'm so week right now. But I love the hearts of the YCT people. I love their genuine love and care. At the YCT meeting I saw this with how Boblin reached over and took a firm hold of my arm to keep me from falling. When Whitney left my side, Patrick soon came up to support me and keep me from falling too. I will miss these guys! I told Charity through the YCT members, their home was the next best place here on earth next to home that I could have been to grieve Grandma's passing.. These people are real.
-------------------------
7/20 Friday
It has to be about midnight. I've been sitting outside listening to some worship music over the slum. I love this stuff. They worship with all their hearts. Mel called tonight and said I can write a letter for them to read at the funeral, so that's what I came out here to do. If its almost midnight here, that means her viewing is happening right now, and I'll miss the funeral by only 3 days. I pray there is no tension and that everything goes smoothly. Maybe this is why I'm not there for this, because I know there is going to be a great deal of tension at this funeral with my family. Now I must write this letter and email it out before 10:00am tomorrow. God give me strength. Give me words to say that may also reach the hearts of my family members. Keep me strong. My strength comes from you.
-----------------------------
7/21...Grandma's funeral was today, during the exact time we gathered in the slum for a Bible study. They prayed for me tonight to close the study. I shared Psalm 18 with the group as they asked for us to share how God has revealed himself through a tough situation this past week. I know Tosh requested this format for me, as they normally don't do this format. Frank was sitting by me and pointed out Psalm 121. He then shared it and read it out loud. It's an awesome Psalm and perfect to hear.
-----------------------
7/23
Tonight, our last night here, and I was able to experience something that was AMAZING. Saida and Jackie's [the sisters i've been praying with throughout the month] kids were waiting for me as we walked out of the YCT building in the slum. It was already dark, and we normally try to leave before dark for safety reasons. The kids requested that I come down to their home, because their mom's wanted to say goodbye. So I went. I walked in under candlelight, and there, for the first time all month, I met Jackie's husband. This guy who has been sleeping around on her, beating her, and anything and everything else. This guy who I've prayed with Jackie and Saida about all month. Here he was. I was able to come together with the family and pray, circled together, conencted hands, with him there. He asked for prayer. I felt God there! I was changed. I pray for this guy that he truly LOVES his family. What an incredible way to end this trip. Maybe this is why I stayed instead of going home early? I then went to meet their step-mom who immediately wished me safe travels and apologized for the passing of Grandma. I was touched. I can never forget this evening.
---------------------------------------------
7/25
I'm home. Well, at Mel's. I need to nap, but first I decided to look at the funeral stuff Mel gave me. The bulletin had several verses on it. One being Psalm 27:4-7 and 13-14. Verses 7-8 are verses that were in my head the whole trip!!! AND... Psalm 121 was read at her funeral. Look back to 7/21 from the Bible study in Kenya when Frank read that. I know that Bible Study was exactly the same time as Grandma's funeral. Wow.... amazing.
a glimpse into my Africa journal
Ok... I've had this typed out for the past two weeks but never logged into Myspace to post it. When I got back from the Dominican, I had a lot of thinking to do. While on the trip, a couple had to leave only on the 2nd day because her father died. Of course, my feelings and thoughts from last year when my grandma died while i was in Africa all came rushing back to me. I didn't get the timing and irony again, but I know God was teaching me to go to Him first, that since I've been through it I can be there for them, and what it is like for a team to gather and support and pray. I came home and read my Africa journal because it had been exactly a year since Grandma's passing. I've told some of you that I would let you read my thoughts so rather than giving you my journal, here is a glimpse. This is the last I'm writing about this, because this Dominican Trip oddly enough gave me a lot of the closure that I've been searching for. I hate that it had to happen on account of friends goign through the exact same thing, too. :(
Seriously, its just a glimpse... I wrote A LOT!!! Africa was 7 hours ahead.
-----------------------
July 16th: It's 7:15a.m. and Mel just called. I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly what Sammy was pounding on the door for when I heard his voice. My dreams suddenly switched from one thing to another. I dreamt that Mel called while I was here to tell me something about Grandma, just as I heard a phone call, I was awakened by the pounding on our compound door (that's separate from Sammy's house so I would have never heard his phone ring) and Sammy yelling my name. I climbed out of the bunk bed and found my way to the door and Sammy had his phone up. Because I tried to stay away from contact from home during this month and told Mel to call only if something bad happened to Grandma, my heart sunk and I started crying before I even reached for the phone. Here's the deal. She is not doing well and keeps going in and out. They are meeting Friday to discuss stopping care, machines, medications, which means if I want to say goodbye I must transfer my plane tickets and leave here early. Mel said she would help me do that. I told her I needed time to pray about it. What's the timing in this Lord? Help me to know what to do? Why can't they wait a little longer? She has made it this long from having her surgery the day we flew out... but am I being selfish in all this? Will she even be coherant enough to know I'm even there if I leave early? All these questions! She was so worried about me coming here. What would she want me to do? Where is her heart with you God? She was so scared going into this surgery. My heart aches right now. I went out to the tent to talk to Sammy. He prayed over me and the situation. I know I must trust God and acknowledge Him in this situation. There is a reason this happened now. I know God works for the good of those who love him. I'm leaning on God, especially because I'm not sure if I'll get the support needed from my team here. I have a big decision to make which could affect my life in the near future upon my return home. I have to trust God ocmpletely. As Sammy said, present your worries to God but don't let your worries move you. I can't let the idea of a possible guilt trip from Mom cloud my judgement.
I don't want to leave here early. I already get upset at the idea of leaving. I said goodbye to Grandma at the wedding two days before we left for Africa, but this is far more extreme. She's SUFFERING. She went through a lot. And the thing that hurts the most is that she appeared just fine at the wedding. She could pass away while I'm flying 16 hours alone in the air before I even get there.
I need to put my trust in God. All of it. I know he knew this would happen today while i'm 8,000 miles away from home. When I don't have comfort of those here who are my only piece of home, I know God is there and people back home are praying. I wish I was home right now because I need my friends and siblings. I'm feeling so frustrated right now because the one person who was a good friend before the trip and is my only piece of home is not even talking to me.
--------------------------------------------
Father, you see all my tears I've cried this morning. I know you are hurting with me. Even though I can't trace your hand in all this, I want to trust your heart. I want to lean on you for comfort. If I can't get a hug from friends, I know I'm seeking refuge in the shadow of your wings. Guide me in the way you want me to go. I don't want to lean on my own understanding but to acknowldge your movement in this so you can direct my paths. I love you Lord. You will be glorified in this.
-----------------------------------------
Lord I give you my heart, I give you my SoulI live for You alone, Every breath that I take,Every moment I'm awake, Lord have Your way in me
Father, have your way in me! You sent me here not to be sent home early. I trust that you can pull Grandma through this until I get home if it is your will. My ministry here can't end shortly. Lord, work in this situation here and at home. Whatever happens may I still honor, praise, worship, and glorify you. May it still be well with my soul. I trust you. I believe in you. You are my rock. Always here in times of trouble. I must hold on tight to that promise.
(as you can tell, the Psalms were my bedrock during this time)
--------------------------
7/16 evening
I called Mel tonight and told her I am not coming home early. She jus said that Grandma may not make it until Friday as her kidneys are failing and her blood pressure is beyond low. I called Anchor Room to tell them and Natalie, tried Lisa, and Tammy also.
During the prayer meeting with all my Kenya friends and only one team member there, Sammy mentioned how one of our sisters in Christ had a rough day (after telling me earlier today to not tell anyone about my situation). The whole group prayed and sang for my situation for about an hour, but it only seemed like 10-15 minutes. In the US, so many people would be weirded out and bored about this, but I was totally broken the whole time while hugging Patricia and grasping onto Boblin's hand. This is why I'm dealing with this year. I have the support of these people who hardly know me, but are praying powerful prayers 8,000 miles away from grandma's bedside. These people know what death is like all too well. They know the pain that is felt. They bury their loved ones every day.
-----------------------------
7/17Mel just called again. As I was sitting out here writing, Sammy came out with his phone. My heart skipped beats. It's a little after 7 here meaning after midnight in Ohio, and Mel, Ken, Rachael, and Jeff are all at the hospital. They have taken her off all medications. She is only on the ventilator. The funeral, if she lasts as long as the doctors say, would be Friday or Saturday. Mel said she thinks I would regret not being there, but I can't carry that regret. I immediately told Mel that I would regret leaving here, because even if it were only a few days, God can and will do amazing things in those days. He sent me here KNOWING That this would happen, so I must TRUST in his love and comfort. I woke up super early this morning not able to get to sleep so I went out in the living area and prayed for Grandma. no I know why. They were probably wondering calling me. I really need team time. Prayer with them.
--------------------
When peace like a river Attendeth my way, when Sorrows like sea bellows roll Whatever my lot though has taught me to say, Praise the Lord, It is Well with my SoulI'm getting this BAD feeling right now. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm a big homesick right now. I just want to be with the sibs. I asked the team to come together to pray this morning, but it got awkward for some reason. Sammy requested again that I do not mention anything to anyone about what is going on at home. Hot sure why, because whoever was at the prayer meeting last night knows about it. I'm grasping onto these pictures of friends and verses that the girls gave me before I left. It's my only connection to home right now. God has me where He wants me for a reason, and I hope to find what that is. I came in to pray tonight about everything but it was so weird. I started praying then completely forgot what to pray about. Then I even tried sitting up so my mind wasn't wandering like it usually does when I pray but I couldn't put a prayer into words. It was like God saying "Child, I love you, Trust me. It's in my hands."
---------------
7/18 WednesdayRight now we are doing nothing and I hate it. I feel bad. I am not going home early so I feel like I should be out there making a difference, but I'm so exhausted, kind of letting my frustrations show too much. I need rest. I have a peace about Grandma although when Sammy's phone rings my heart speeds up. I only cried once about it today. Patricia sat down and started rubbing my back and that did it. Just needed support.
--------------------------------
7/19 ThursdayIt has been two days since Mel called while she was at the hospital. I thought for sure she would call by now. God are you answering my prayers, that I would make it home in time? I prayed for clarity to know I was making the right decision in not going home, then a verse that I had in my head earlier this month came to mind. I don't think it was a mistake I read this earlier too. (Luke 9:59-62) Is that clarity enough? I trust God. This will work out the way He had planned from the beginning.
-------------------------------
Grandma passed away last night, Wednesday, at 8:30p.m. (3:30am this morning) Mel called tonight at 8:30 here. We were laughing in the tent with Sammy and Charity when Sammy's phone rang. I knew right away when he acted like he couldn't hear, then it clicked why Sammy was trying extra hard to make me laugh while eating a complete Tilapia head. He handed the phone out to me and I just laid back my head and started shaking. I didn't want to be out there. Matt, Whitney, Charity were all out there. I couldn't hear Mel very well, only that she passed away and the time she did. It must have been so scary for her. I lost connection with Mel and had to sit out in the tent since they wouldn't let me leave for 15 minutes until she called back. Meanwhile I'm sobbing in Charity's embrace, sitting there and crying and everyone still in the tent. Sammy wouldn't let anyone leave. All the YCT people were outside having a good time with no clue about what was happening. Whitney and Jess came over to rub my back. I never felt so embarrassed yet not caring really. I'm at my lowest piont unable to think, stand. Team members just apologizing for my loss. On the phone in the corner of the tent with everyone looking at me, now getting more information as Mel called again. Grandma was taken off the ventilator on Tuesday afternoon at 1:00. This would have been 8:00 Tuesday night, right about the time I came in to pray and not know what to pray about, feeling that peace from God. She lasted until Wednesday at 8:30. Mel said each of them were able to say goodbye. She was alert enough to hear them. She would smile and nod as they thanked her for having us over in the summers. They said goodbye for me too. Tehy said I wanted to be there but am doing good work here. That i LOVED HER. Mel said she smiled and tears came down her face as she said goodbye. :(What si going to happen now? To the home. I want to be there. See it again. Help go through stuff. Be with my family. Did I make the right decision? I want these doubts taken away! Mom is being well, herself about this. She originally said I shouldn't come home and now she's asking Mel why I wouldn't come home. I don't get it. I don't get the timing in all this. Why couldn't get have waited for hte surgery? And why, God, did she hold out all month only to pass away 6 days before I get back home? I'm missing the funeral. Where will my closure be? All these questions Lord. Fill my heart with an understanding and peace. Teach me amazing things from this. My heart aches. The plane ride will be miserable. Just the waiting. I need STRENGTH. I want to be around friends, family. I don't think its completely hit me yet because I'm here. I keep Deut. 31:8 in my mind, and can't get the song "It is well with my soul" out of my head.
---------------------------------------I'm so week right now. But I love the hearts of the YCT people. I love their genuine love and care. At the YCT meeting I saw this with how Boblin reached over and took a firm hold of my arm to keep me from falling. When Whitney left my side, Patrick soon came up to support me and keep me from falling too. I will miss these guys! I told Charity through the YCT members, their home was the next best place here on earth next to home that I could have been to grieve Grandma's passing.. These people are real.
-------------------------
7/20 Friday
It has to be about midnight. I've been sitting outside listening to some worship music over the slum. I love this stuff. They worship with all their hearts. Mel called tonight and said I can write a letter for them to read at the funeral, so that's what I came out here to do. If its almost midnight here, that means her viewing is happening right now, and I'll miss the funeral by only 3 days. I pray there is no tension and that everything goes smoothly. Maybe this is why I'm not there for this, because I know there is going to be a great deal of tension at this funeral with my family. Now I must write this letter and email it out before 10:00am tomorrow. God give me strength. Give me words to say that may also reach the hearts of my family members. Keep me strong. My strength comes from you.
-----------------------------
7/21...Grandma's funeral was today, during the exact time we gathered in the slum for a Bible study. They prayed for me tonight to close the study. I shared Psalm 18 with the group as they asked for us to share how God has revealed himself through a tough situation this past week. I know Tosh requested this format for me, as they normally don't do this format. Frank was sitting by me and pointed out Psalm 121. He then shared it and read it out loud. It's an awesome Psalm and perfect to hear.
-----------------------
7/23
Tonight, our last night here, and I was able to experience something that was AMAZING. Saida and Jackie's [the sisters i've been praying with throughout the month] kids were waiting for me as we walked out of the YCT building in the slum. It was already dark, and we normally try to leave before dark for safety reasons. The kids requested that I come down to their home, because their mom's wanted to say goodbye. So I went. I walked in under candlelight, and there, for the first time all month, I met Jackie's husband. This guy who has been sleeping around on her, beating her, and anything and everything else. This guy who I've prayed with Jackie and Saida about all month. Here he was. I was able to come together with the family and pray, circled together, conencted hands, with him there. He asked for prayer. I felt God there! I was changed. I pray for this guy that he truly LOVES his family. What an incredible way to end this trip. Maybe this is why I stayed instead of going home early? I then went to meet their step-mom who immediately wished me safe travels and apologized for the passing of Grandma. I was touched. I can never forget this evening.
---------------------------------------------
7/25
I'm home. Well, at Mel's. I need to nap, but first I decided to look at the funeral stuff Mel gave me. The bulletin had several verses on it. One being Psalm 27:4-7 and 13-14. Verses 7-8 are verses that were in my head the whole trip!!! AND... Psalm 121 was read at her funeral. Look back to 7/21 from the Bible study in Kenya when Frank read that. I know that Bible Study was exactly the same time as Grandma's funeral. Wow.... amazing.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
my wish
Random thing happened today... (from May 11th)
This morning I woke up realizing it was Mothers Day and getting a little bummed. The usual days that families usually get together and do things to celebrate each other and what it all means to them. A Sunday to go to church and come home to sit around and watch movies (which isn't a bad thing) while a lot of other people are with their families.
While getting ready this morning, I thought about November 9, 2005 when I drove up to Michigan to meet my nephew for the first time. I wasn't sure why I thought about this... I honestly don't too much. On the way up I popped in my Rascal Flatts CD that I just bought that week. The song "My Wish" came on and I just let the words sink in. I never met this little boy yet but as a new aunt, the words in the song meant a lot.
The ride home that next day after meeting Joshua, I put that song on and listened to it a good 3-4 times on the way home and cried as I sang it outloud (yep, just admitted that). I thought about the joy I felt in holding that little baby and how much I wish for him to dream big and to live out his dreams. This morning that memory came back to me, and I thought about the feelings I felt holding Josh, and was amazed to think how that joy will multiply so much more when I actually hold my son or my daughter for the first time. I can't imagine what the feeling will be like and someday I hope to feel it. Then, since it it Mother's Day, of course I thought about my mom and wondered if she ever felt that way with us, and if she thinks that way about us now. And after she hung up on me today when I called her, it makes me wonder even more...
An hour later at church, the worship band sang that song to honor mothers. Of all the songs that could have been chosen to sing at church they choose a Rascal Flatts song from 2 years ago. Kinda crazy. I was pretty good at holding back the tears first service, but second service when I could sit by myself it was a little bit harder. (I go to both services now because something I do at church)
how ironic and random is that?
is she really gone?
It's been 9 months since Grandma passed away... and I'm still finding times in my life when I'm searching for closure. I thought I got it during the Auction at the homeplace, but there are just random times when I think about it a lot... how I wasn't home for the surgery which was the day I flew out in june, her time in the hospital, her passing on July 18th, or her funeral which was two days before i was to arrive home... and I just get so upset. It doesn't seem like she can be gone when she seemed fine before surgery.
It's 1:00am, and I can't sleep. Lisa's not home. No one is around, and I need to be up in 5 1/2 hours. I'm missing Grandma a lot. Their place is forever gone from my life.. the place where I had so many good memories, even with hardship from my mom. No more driving to Ohio to visit which i didn't do enough, calling her and telling her i loved her which i also didn't do enough, walking back to the creek behind their house... Tonight I have just found myself feeling so many regrets for not coming home from Africa early.
I felt so alone in Africa during this time but so surrounded by love from people who hardly knew me. But now those people who comforted me and prayed over me, (literally, for 2 hours one night while I sat there crying...) are 8,000 miles away.
I remember it clearly... finding out about her passing. The team was eating in the tent where we normally ate supper, and Sammy (the guy who we stayed with) was trying his hardest to make me laugh. (He had already received the news from my sister about Grandma's passing, but we were out doing kids ministry and construction so he asked her to call back during supper time.) Sammy's phone rang and my heart started speeding up as it had been those 2 days. (My sister had told me she may not make it two days earlier and encouraged me to come home.) I remember glancing over at Matt, a team member who I thought would be there for me at least a little bit, and seeing that look that he knew what was happening... and then glancing around seeing everyone stopping what they were doing and looking at me. Charity, Sammy's wife, came over and put her arms around me.
When Sammy couldn't hear the connection well, I knew it was Melanie calling. I immediately started crying, and Sammy wouldn't let me leave the tent. So, as everyone on my team sat there and watched, I talked and cried to my sister. It was embarrassing but I didn't care. I was encouraged not to say anything about it to the natives and was supposed to go on like nothing happened. My team... well... let's just say I wish we had been a little closer. I felt so lost.
Mel called the next evening to tell me that I could write something for the funeral, but had to have it in by 10:00 the next morning, Kenya time.
I stayed up to write this letter while listening to my new friends who lose family members very regularly singing praises to God. After they left (they always left Sammy's early to get back to their home in the slum safely), I moved myself to a bench outside alone... under the Africa night sky with the sounds of the slum in the background, writing this letter.
So while laying here in bed, I thought about the letter I wrote for the funeral. I wanted to find it and read it for the first time since that night. I had to dig through my email but found what I sent to Mel that next morning... the first time I had been in my email all month. Its funny that as I read it now, I'm helping myself by remembering how BIG GOD WAS TO ME DURING THAT TIME. I guess I just wanted to share it.
----------------------------------------------
To my Family:Please know that I want to be there to mourn with you. Its hard not having a piece of home with me right now. Know that I am with you in my prayers. That's the greatness of God - He's everywhere, even 8,000 miles away. Keep holding on to Christ's love and comfort. That same love and comfort is what is holding me together right now. Know that through every storm in our lives, He never lets us go. This is his promise to us:Psalm 33:20-23We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
Grandma, What can i say? Tonight, as my friends whom I have met here are outside singing worship songs in the middle of a place where there's pain all around, I'm sitting here in this room praying that God will give me peace and the words to write this letter.
Reality hasn't hit yet. You can't be gone. I went through my cell phone and came across your number, realizing that I will never be able to call you again. It has been so hard not being able to be there and to understand the timing in all this, but God has me here for a reason. Selfishly, I wanted God to hold you here on earth for only a couple more days. My prayer was that I could be there for this celebration of your life, but God had a bigger plan and only He knew the exact time and hour you were to leave us. Who am I to question Him? I love you grandma and wish I could have been there to visit and pray with you during these scary moments this past month.
The morning you had your surgery I was packing to leave. It was hard.. as I kept getting all these thoughts in my head of the unknown. But God knew. I'm glad I was able to see you at Mike and Heidi's wedding. You looked beautiful there. You seemed so healthy that this whole thing is hard to believe. I'm glad I was able to remember our last time together with you appearing so healthy and happy. That last embrace didn't seem like goodbye to me, but on the way home my hands smelled like you. (It was a good smell... no worries, or as they say here in Africa "Hakuna Matata"). I never wanted to wash the smell away because its the same smell I can associate with my childhood memories of you, as silly as that sounds.
Thank you for loving us enough to put up with us every summer for a couple of weeks. I say "putting up with" for a reason, because I know we had to be a pain at times...I mean, at least the boys were. I always remember being so excited to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa every summer. You always filled our weeks with joy; I remember going to the campground to swim and golf, sliding down the stairs and helping to ruin the fun green shaggy carpet in our pajamas with you joining us in our laughter, being forced by the boys to go through the haunted houses they made in our basement, playing Atari for hours on end, but most importantly are the memories with you and me specifically that I can remember, and I'm sure more will be flowing in my heart in these coming days. When I picture being at your house, I will picture you sitting in your chair and inviting up to be in the warmth of your lap while you read the book "Why Cant I Fly?" or the one you remember most, 101 Dalmations. And every morning waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and looking forward to meeting you in the kitchen for the best toast EVER. I don't care what anyone says, I have seriously not been able to make a better piece of toast than you could. And, I don't think I ever thanked you for being on the phone for a long enough time for Ken to take the scissors to my hair. I enjoyed not having any hair for a year or so. :)
I thank God for these memories and for the gift of a Grandma. I will treasure them in my heart forever.
I believe that you had a faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, our Saviour, and because of that I know that I, along with others in this room who have made that same heart commitment to live their lives for Him, will be able to see you, along with Grandpa, again someday. There will be no pain or sorrow there, and I'm excited for that.
So this isn't goodbye. I will be able to see you again some day. until then, I know that...
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
when Sorrows like sea bellows roll.
Whatever my lot, though as taught me to say,
it is well, it is well, with my soul.
This is the song God has laid on my heart the whole month, and now I know why. And, I know it is well with your soul too. I love you!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
pray for my friends in Kibera
If you haven't heard the world news, Nairobi is in the middle of a lot of chaos. There have been about 300 people killed. Beatings, riots, burning of homes, looting... everything.
So I'm not much to watch the world news or keep up with what's happening, but everything is put in proper perspective now that I've been there and know MANY people who are personally effected by all of this.
So, here's a short summary of why this is happening:
The government in Nairobi is corrupt, but yet was known as one of the most stable governments in the Africa. (When I was there, there would be police holding machine guns and sticks doing random stops along the road... sometimes taking people's belongings and beating people. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable when we were driving down the highway in the diesel matatu.)
The incumbant president is a member of the Kikiyu tribe. The president that was up against him in the election, which took place on the 27th, is in the Luo tribe. People living in poverty were drawn to this new guy because he campaigned as "Champion for the poor" and there was hope for the first time that if this guy won, the government would do something to help aleviate the poverty conditions which they live in. His main constituent is the Kibera Slum (where I stayed). The incumbant has handled money badly, and making many many empty promises to those living in the slums. For example, money was alotted for 5 light towers to be put in the Kibera slum, but I only saw 2. These light towers were to help to keep the occurances of rape and other violence down. Basically, there is still a lot of poverty and tribalism in the country that hasn't changed since he took over in 2002.
So apparently, on election day, it looked as if the new guy was going to win.
But, the incumbant ended up winning, and now the opposition leader has accused him of rigging the election.
300 dead, 75,000 people displaced. Homes burnt down. Orders to shoot to kill. Ethnic cleansing (basically attempts to get rid of a tribe). Shops burnt down. Fighting everywhere.
No water (which is scarce anyway).
No food.
And definitely no security
So what's next? There is going to be an opposition rally today in Kenya (they are 8 hours ahead). There is said to be a million people show up for that. Concerns are that violence will swell during this... which is likely.
Those who live in poverty are upset and have all the emotions built up. They have something to fight for. (See the video below to get a feel for this.) In the slums, which are often divided along tribal lines, rival groups have been fighting each other with machetes and sticks as police use tear gas and bullets to keep them from moving farther into the city. Kibera has seen the most violence according to the news.
The effects? Shops are closed because of looting. The price of food has skyrocketed. (A loaf of bread, which used to be about 20 shillings, is now 120 shillings.) And, people have to walk farther to even get their food. My friends have told me they have not eaten for days. Where we stayed this summer is in the middle of all the chaos. Shops along both sides of the road we walked up and down multiple times a day are burnt down, which is a ten second walk from Sammy's home.
I am so worried about my friends there. One of them has a brother who has been arrested. (He is a Luo tribe, and the government is Kikiyu.) Another friend had his home ransacked and destroyed. Sammy has left his home with his family and has taken refuge. Sammy is Kikiyu... and the Luo's are seeking the Kikiyu's and attacking them. Actually, some of the YCT (the ministry we worked with) members are staying at Sammy's house and told me that some opposition showed up at Sammy's to create trouble. After seeing the YCT members were Luo, they left.
But... their response? While on the phone, my friend Boblin asked me what I was going to eat for supper. I couldn't answer. He just said "no no no, Janelle, you live in America. Don't mind. You give God glory for everything, just as we here in Kenya are doing."
Check out Acts 17:26-27. This is the verse he mentioned to me while I was in Africa.
That is the faith of a friend who I have missed. My friends, who were there for me during one of the hardest times of my life when my Grandma passed away, are enduring a lot of suffering and I can't do anything... but PRAY.
Please do the same!
----------------------------
Video that shows you how people in Kibera are feeling:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/2246462022476942
Pictures:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,2990,00.html2_0
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/01/01/world/20080101KENYA_index.html
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2007/12/31/world/1231-KENYA_index.html
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2007/12/30/world/20071231KENYA_index.html
--------------------------
Emails from my friends:
Hello Janelle!
Praise the Lord!! Happy New Year!!!
I'm so much encouraged with your concern about us, it's amazings to have wonderful sisters who's hearts beat with the love of God.
Yes we've had a rough time here in Kibera because of the elections that were held on 27th. Dissagreements came coz of rigging claims by the oppotition, and this has affected especially our area since it's the stronghold of the opposition party. There has been looting of shops, burning of shops, killings though this has been low. If you can remember the shop(flat) that was just next to Sammy's house, it was burnt down, and the shops that were along Olympic road on both sides were all burnt down. There has been scarcity of food and it's been expensive.
Pray with us here that God will intervene on our behalf.
Thanks and may God's peace reighn in your heart.
Boblin Omondi
Hun its worse down here and we are so glad you're praying for us. We cant survive in the hands of a rigged president for the next five years. Shops burnt down, pple killed, media burnt( by govt) in airing live news so its hard to know whats going on in the entire country, no food, no opened malls and no peace too. Over the protest for justice.
We are praying that the international will come to our rescue before things go out of hands. Kibera mostly targeted coz its the home(constituent) of the opposition leader( Raila Odinga) who was rigged against.
Peace be with you too, PETER
Please do something to Help soon. we are in a very BIG problem were are are unsafe, because their is one tribe in Kenya called LUO'S bringing Big Problem.please form more information please turn to your TV ON CNN OR BCC World NEWS.
We need you help to move to safety, please call for more information any time soon
Sammy Njiru
Kenya in Kibera Slums
So I'm not much to watch the world news or keep up with what's happening, but everything is put in proper perspective now that I've been there and know MANY people who are personally effected by all of this.
So, here's a short summary of why this is happening:
The government in Nairobi is corrupt, but yet was known as one of the most stable governments in the Africa. (When I was there, there would be police holding machine guns and sticks doing random stops along the road... sometimes taking people's belongings and beating people. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable when we were driving down the highway in the diesel matatu.)
The incumbant president is a member of the Kikiyu tribe. The president that was up against him in the election, which took place on the 27th, is in the Luo tribe. People living in poverty were drawn to this new guy because he campaigned as "Champion for the poor" and there was hope for the first time that if this guy won, the government would do something to help aleviate the poverty conditions which they live in. His main constituent is the Kibera Slum (where I stayed). The incumbant has handled money badly, and making many many empty promises to those living in the slums. For example, money was alotted for 5 light towers to be put in the Kibera slum, but I only saw 2. These light towers were to help to keep the occurances of rape and other violence down. Basically, there is still a lot of poverty and tribalism in the country that hasn't changed since he took over in 2002.
So apparently, on election day, it looked as if the new guy was going to win.
But, the incumbant ended up winning, and now the opposition leader has accused him of rigging the election.
300 dead, 75,000 people displaced. Homes burnt down. Orders to shoot to kill. Ethnic cleansing (basically attempts to get rid of a tribe). Shops burnt down. Fighting everywhere.
No water (which is scarce anyway).
No food.
And definitely no security
So what's next? There is going to be an opposition rally today in Kenya (they are 8 hours ahead). There is said to be a million people show up for that. Concerns are that violence will swell during this... which is likely.
Those who live in poverty are upset and have all the emotions built up. They have something to fight for. (See the video below to get a feel for this.) In the slums, which are often divided along tribal lines, rival groups have been fighting each other with machetes and sticks as police use tear gas and bullets to keep them from moving farther into the city. Kibera has seen the most violence according to the news.
The effects? Shops are closed because of looting. The price of food has skyrocketed. (A loaf of bread, which used to be about 20 shillings, is now 120 shillings.) And, people have to walk farther to even get their food. My friends have told me they have not eaten for days. Where we stayed this summer is in the middle of all the chaos. Shops along both sides of the road we walked up and down multiple times a day are burnt down, which is a ten second walk from Sammy's home.
I am so worried about my friends there. One of them has a brother who has been arrested. (He is a Luo tribe, and the government is Kikiyu.) Another friend had his home ransacked and destroyed. Sammy has left his home with his family and has taken refuge. Sammy is Kikiyu... and the Luo's are seeking the Kikiyu's and attacking them. Actually, some of the YCT (the ministry we worked with) members are staying at Sammy's house and told me that some opposition showed up at Sammy's to create trouble. After seeing the YCT members were Luo, they left.
But... their response? While on the phone, my friend Boblin asked me what I was going to eat for supper. I couldn't answer. He just said "no no no, Janelle, you live in America. Don't mind. You give God glory for everything, just as we here in Kenya are doing."
Check out Acts 17:26-27. This is the verse he mentioned to me while I was in Africa.
That is the faith of a friend who I have missed. My friends, who were there for me during one of the hardest times of my life when my Grandma passed away, are enduring a lot of suffering and I can't do anything... but PRAY.
Please do the same!
----------------------------
Video that shows you how people in Kibera are feeling:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/2246462022476942
Pictures:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,2990,00.html2_0
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/01/01/world/20080101KENYA_index.html
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2007/12/31/world/1231-KENYA_index.html
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2007/12/30/world/20071231KENYA_index.html
--------------------------
Emails from my friends:
Hello Janelle!
Praise the Lord!! Happy New Year!!!
I'm so much encouraged with your concern about us, it's amazings to have wonderful sisters who's hearts beat with the love of God.
Yes we've had a rough time here in Kibera because of the elections that were held on 27th. Dissagreements came coz of rigging claims by the oppotition, and this has affected especially our area since it's the stronghold of the opposition party. There has been looting of shops, burning of shops, killings though this has been low. If you can remember the shop(flat) that was just next to Sammy's house, it was burnt down, and the shops that were along Olympic road on both sides were all burnt down. There has been scarcity of food and it's been expensive.
Pray with us here that God will intervene on our behalf.
Thanks and may God's peace reighn in your heart.
Boblin Omondi
Hun its worse down here and we are so glad you're praying for us. We cant survive in the hands of a rigged president for the next five years. Shops burnt down, pple killed, media burnt( by govt) in airing live news so its hard to know whats going on in the entire country, no food, no opened malls and no peace too. Over the protest for justice.
We are praying that the international will come to our rescue before things go out of hands. Kibera mostly targeted coz its the home(constituent) of the opposition leader( Raila Odinga) who was rigged against.
Peace be with you too, PETER
Please do something to Help soon. we are in a very BIG problem were are are unsafe, because their is one tribe in Kenya called LUO'S bringing Big Problem.please form more information please turn to your TV ON CNN OR BCC World NEWS.
We need you help to move to safety, please call for more information any time soon
Sammy Njiru
Kenya in Kibera Slums
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
pictures pictures pictures
Well, here they are all you non-facebook users. My Africa pictures are uploaded. I have 12 albums on facebook and here are all the links which you can navigate through even if you don't have an account. There are some pretty amazing pictures of children that you should definately check out now, but I would suggest not taking all your time at once looking at them, unless you really have nothing to do. I tried to caption the pictures so you can understand more of what we did the month while in Africa. Some of these albums contain 60 pictures so there are a lot of pictures. :) Feel free to comment about them!
-------------------
1. Various Pictures from a Team Member's camera
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032702&l=9891b&id=57100255
2. School and Community Outreaches/The girls I met in the slum
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032487&l=fe4ca&id=57100255
3. Construction on the YCT building
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032489&l=35ee1&id=57100255
4. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032372&l=1727a&id=57100255
5. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032370&l=a0a9f&id=57100255
6. Friends in
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032368&l=3a345&id=57100255
7. Safari and Gorge day trip
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032084&l=1864b&id=57100255
8. Children in the Slum: Album 2
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032137&l=a7b24&id=57100255
9. Children in the Slum: Album 1
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032136&l=b846c&id=57100255
10. Kibera: The Slum..."Whatever you do for the least of these you do for me"
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031885&l=ee6e5&id=57100255
11. New Life Orphanage
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031889&l=feaa6&id=57100255
12. Destination
http://ipfw.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2029994&l=4ebf6&id=57100255
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Kibera Missions Trip: July 2007
Imagine going to bed each night to the sound of a low rumble of music, talking, and howling dogs. Imagine having to watch where you step everywhere you go, and not seeing a hint of grass anywhere. Imagine not having enough money to even send your children to school.
That is just a tiny idea of what it is like to live in this situation. As you know, I was sent to the Kibera Slum in
This letter is going to be pretty lengthy, but a month of experiences and seeing God work is something worthy to be shared.
God presented himself to me in huge ways on this trip. For me, I think personal growth is the biggest thing that happened on this trip. The first way God revealed himself to me is through helping me to discover some of my spiritual gifts. Through different outreaches that we took part in and through encouraging some girls in the slum each night, I was able to walk away with a renewed spirit and love for things. I can’t believe I am admitting this to everyone but my future plans may involve using singing to glorify God such as in our church’s worship band. In addition, I feel more comfortable with finding ways to be an encouragement to others, such as young girls in a youth setting. The second way God revealed himself to me is through the relationships with others. I think the people I met in the 
Youngsters for Christ ministry (www.youngsters4christ.com or YCT) ministered to me more than I ministered to them. These brothers and sisters forever left imprints on my heart and it was really hard to leave them. While having the best experience of my life, they were able to minister to me during one of the hardest times in my life.
God revealed Himself to me is through his love, comfort, and peace. As some of you know, I had a situation come up which felt like a forever high mountain that I couldn’t even begin to climb. The last week, I found myself wanting to be home for the first time the whole trip, but at the same time not wanting to leave because it didn’t feel right to. I struggle with being vulnerable about this because I do not want pity… but this is just a way God worked in my life during this trip. My grandma passed away 6 days before we were scheduled to arrive home, and not having friends or family from home there with me was extremely hard and painful for me. I had the option earlier that week to transfer my ticket to get home to say goodbye. I again had the option to come home early for the funeral. However, through a lot of crying out to God in prayer and a couple of verses that actually came to me at the beginning of the trip and resurfaced during this last week of the trip, I realized that God knew this would happen when He sent me there for a month, so why would He send me home not being able to complete the work I was sent to do? (Luke 9:57-62, Psalm 118:8, Psalm 27:7-8, Psalm 18 were some of these verses. Please look all these verses up. You will see how powerful God worked and how much He used scripture to teach me while on this trip.) This was a time when I grew the most in His unfailing love, and although I may not know the reason and timing of this trial, I can rest in that unfailing love. I was fortunate to see God’s greatness through his creation at a safari and gorge the very next day after I heard the news, and it was there that I realized how BIG God is and not to question Him. As far as coming home to all of this, closure has been hard for me and still is, so continued prayer is appreciated.
Being God’s hands and feet on the trip and seeing the results of that was amazing. As the trip progressed, I saw how God used each member of our team differently as we individually sought His will. As a team, we partnered with YCT and did school ministries. We normally visited high schools but also ministered at one elementary school, which all brought their own joys. At the high schools, a block of time is set aside, for students to gather in a room where they can learn
more about who God is. We sometimes shared our testimonies, sang, and performed skits to them, but also had discussions about the pressures they face and were able to find verses in the Bible to help them out with them. At one school ministry, 5 young people gave their lives to Christ! I had individuals come up to me to ask me questions. I was able to minister to them individually by showing them verses and praying with them. When leaving the conversation, I found myself giving total credit to God who totally gave me the words to speak and the verses to show these young people.
Construction. Manual labor. This was a fun part of the trip for me. We spent many hours helping to build and maintain the YCT building which is located in the slum. It’s a beautiful silver building where you can hear praises and prayers lifted up over the slum almost every evening. Some members of our team carried heavy cement rocks from a landing down through the slum to the building where a wall was built to prevent further soil erosion. The soil was eroding pretty quickly and a wall needed to be built, and within 4 days of us being there God provided some
funds for that to be done. We also spent a lot of energy leveling and moving soil. Bags of dirt were filled, lifted, and moved outside the building where we could create a walkway that is safer for the people in the slum. In addition, the building received siding and electricity while we were there and another small room was added to the property. God worked amazingly on this project, and now YCT has a beautiful place to worship. As we were doing construction and people saw us “strong white women carrying big stones” through the slum, they started to realize that we were there to help them and to work. We were able to feel more comfortable walking around by ourselves (during the day), and often did. There was a time, however, when a native stopped me and said “You do all this work, yet my son is still at home hungry. What are you going to do about this?” I want you to be aware of this because this is too often the view of a native who lives in a slum when they meet a white person.
As a white person in the slum, you feel like a celebrity, and this should not be the case. They do not see Mzungus (Swahili for a white person) enough. There should be an awareness out there and people wanting to go show love in this dark place. Children there ran up just to touch us. They would always greet us to the same tone of “How are you?” and would repeatedly say it until we answered them. My heart swelled for the children in the slum, in ragged clothes and often without shoes, walking and looking through trash. But these children know no difference and are happy. They laugh and find things to do to have fun in the slum. In addition, my friends I met there are amazing men and women of God. In the conditions that they live in, I did not hear them utter one word of complaint. They may be the poorest people I’ve met, but are the richest in their faith. One of my friends, Bobline, shared Acts 17:26-27 to me when I was talking to him about him living there and me living in the
The first day I was in the slum I met a girl named Saida. She took me down into her home, and I naively went by myself. I was able to pray with her that first day, and told her I would be back. However, because we were not allowed to go anywhere without a YCT member, I felt limited to return. God brought her back into my path the 2nd week, and that is when I met her sister Jackie, who wanted to meet me. After that, I was able to go to their home nearly every night to talk with them, encourage them, and pray with them. They were very hospitable and gave me gifts to remember them by even with having very little. Their situations were so heart-wrenching, and that is just 2 young women in the midst of 1.2 million people in the slum. They insisted that I was there to help them 
financially and that they relied on me, but I kept reminding them that I will fail them because I’m human, and any amount of money they get will soon go to waste, but God will not fail them, and I can provide them with spiritual help by encouraging them and helping them in their walk with Christ. By the end of the trip, these girls started going back to church and praying. They told me God helped me to show them things they have never learned before. And, the last day of the trip, it so happened that we had extra support money and I was able to use some of it to help them out. I was blessed by their company and miss them a lot.
Coming home has been hard. Culture shock is more "shocking" coming home than going to
I was not ready to leave
God is good…. All the time, and I know that He is a Father who will never ever fail me, you, or those that live in the Kibera slum. Though many may think it... all they need is people to go over there and show them a little bit of Jesus.
Thank you to all of you who supported me on this trip of a lifetime. I have returned a different person, and I hope you can see that in me. Please keep YCT and the people in Kibera in your prayers, and my team members and myself as we continue to transition and apply what we learned to our lives here in
Nakupenda na upenda wa Mungu!
(I love you with the love of God!)
Monday, June 25, 2007
Kibera here we come!
Wow!!!! It's time to leave? What??
The past few weeks have been amazing. The preparation that I've experienced is something only God could have orchestrated. Spiritual preparation has been unbelievable... something I've never expected. I've been able to read the Bible, discuss things, and pray often with a team member and it has helped me out tremendously! Although I still feel times of being adequate, I know God will give me the words to speak and be all over this trip while we are there.
The passport ended up coming on Friday. I had two congressmen working on it for me. Friday morning at 10:00 Mark Souders office called me with a tracking number for Fed-Ex, and as I was copying it down, I heard a truck backing up the driveway. I told the lady that I think I just tracked the passport - its currently backing up my driveway! She was amazed, and I was amazed at how that worked out. Thanks Pat for meeting with Souder in the morning to get this pushed! They were on top of things and let me know as soon as they found out the status of it. Mike Pence was the congressman who put the congressional rush on it, so he deserves a thank you note sometime too.
The website of the place we are being hosted by is:
www.youngsters4christ.com
This is information about the slum I will be at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibera
My prayer requests for the trip:
*My focus has been SO clouded lately because of my Grandma having open heart surgery the day I fly out. Please pray for peace about that, and that my focus stays on the trip and what God wants me to do the whole time that I'm there.
*Conversations be blessed and filled with God's love
*Endurance, safety, good health, for the whole time - and that I can experience this to the fullest and come back to tell others about it
*Hearts will be changed, people will be moved. That my heart is softened and challenged.
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAYER, AND FINANCES.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH!!!
The past few weeks have been amazing. The preparation that I've experienced is something only God could have orchestrated. Spiritual preparation has been unbelievable... something I've never expected. I've been able to read the Bible, discuss things, and pray often with a team member and it has helped me out tremendously! Although I still feel times of being adequate, I know God will give me the words to speak and be all over this trip while we are there.
The passport ended up coming on Friday. I had two congressmen working on it for me. Friday morning at 10:00 Mark Souders office called me with a tracking number for Fed-Ex, and as I was copying it down, I heard a truck backing up the driveway. I told the lady that I think I just tracked the passport - its currently backing up my driveway! She was amazed, and I was amazed at how that worked out. Thanks Pat for meeting with Souder in the morning to get this pushed! They were on top of things and let me know as soon as they found out the status of it. Mike Pence was the congressman who put the congressional rush on it, so he deserves a thank you note sometime too.
The website of the place we are being hosted by is:
www.youngsters4christ.com
This is information about the slum I will be at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibera
My prayer requests for the trip:
*My focus has been SO clouded lately because of my Grandma having open heart surgery the day I fly out. Please pray for peace about that, and that my focus stays on the trip and what God wants me to do the whole time that I'm there.
*Conversations be blessed and filled with God's love
*Endurance, safety, good health, for the whole time - and that I can experience this to the fullest and come back to tell others about it
*Hearts will be changed, people will be moved. That my heart is softened and challenged.
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAYER, AND FINANCES.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH!!!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
its all sinking in...
With each day that goes by, it becomes more apparent to me that I'm really going to Africa! Please please please pray for me and my team. For me, I'm starting to get anxiety over the whole thing coming together okay.
We really haven't met with our team yet about it, and we leave in 9 weeks! I have no idea really what I'm walking into besides the basic facts that I researched about Kibera. However, I know that I'm supposed to be there. I feel like my desire to GO has faded and I know that it is Satan trying to pull me away from answering that call that I heard at Passion.
Another prayer request is my PASSPORT. They suggested that I paid the extra $90 to get it expediated because it takes 10 weeks.... so they say. so PRAY that it gets here in time, because I didn't pay the extra money.
What else? Our plane ticket prices went up, and we haven't booked our flights yet. I'm not sure if I should book now before they go up AGAIN, but they are pretty pricey right now. I have to front the cost of the ticket and then pay myself back with the support that I raise.
That's another thing that I'm thinking about a lot... is the support raising. It's come to a stand still, and the number of letters I sent out is no where near the number that was "recommended" I send out. pish posh... :)
I have to stop this! I know GOD will provide. He always has for me in the past when finances get tough - and all who know me know that a lot of situations has come up that I always find myself in a pinch. But I know that if He wants me there, which I believe he does, He will find a way for me to be there.
Matthew 6:25.... do not WORRY!!! I wish I could just learn to be better at transferring that piece of scripture from my head to my heart.
We really haven't met with our team yet about it, and we leave in 9 weeks! I have no idea really what I'm walking into besides the basic facts that I researched about Kibera. However, I know that I'm supposed to be there. I feel like my desire to GO has faded and I know that it is Satan trying to pull me away from answering that call that I heard at Passion.
Another prayer request is my PASSPORT. They suggested that I paid the extra $90 to get it expediated because it takes 10 weeks.... so they say. so PRAY that it gets here in time, because I didn't pay the extra money.
What else? Our plane ticket prices went up, and we haven't booked our flights yet. I'm not sure if I should book now before they go up AGAIN, but they are pretty pricey right now. I have to front the cost of the ticket and then pay myself back with the support that I raise.
That's another thing that I'm thinking about a lot... is the support raising. It's come to a stand still, and the number of letters I sent out is no where near the number that was "recommended" I send out. pish posh... :)
I have to stop this! I know GOD will provide. He always has for me in the past when finances get tough - and all who know me know that a lot of situations has come up that I always find myself in a pinch. But I know that if He wants me there, which I believe he does, He will find a way for me to be there.
Matthew 6:25.... do not WORRY!!! I wish I could just learn to be better at transferring that piece of scripture from my head to my heart.
Monday, March 19, 2007
SHINE: An opportunity in Africa!
March 14, 2007
Dear Friends and Family,
I never would have dreamed that I would be writing such a letter as this, but God works in mysterious ways. For the past few years I have been struggling with the direction my life was going, but I trusted that God had something amazing planned for me. At the Passion ‘07 conference in January, God awakened what He placed in my heart long ago. Although it hit me like a rock and left me feeling inadequate, I left Passion with a sense of urgency to act upon what God was telling me those four incredible days, and trust Him to take care of the rest. Since then I've learned that if God wants me to do something, He will keep presenting Himself until I say YES.
Christ’s last words to his disciples in Mark 16:15 were “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” At Passion, hundreds, if not thousands, stood to be prayed over, saying "God is telling me to GO. I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how, but here I am, Lord! I want to serve You! Send me!" I was one of those who stood, and that's when I truly felt like my heart was awakened.
Since Passion, the doors have quickly opened and I’m following through with what my heart has been swelling over since. I have an amazing opportunity to go spread love in a dark place. After prayerful consideration, I’ve made the commitment to travel with a team to Kenya. We will spend 4 weeks in a large slum district called Kibera, on the south side of Niarobi. Those that live in this slum are daily confronted with the extreme challenges of poverty. Many live on less than $1 a day and lack the daily nourishment they need, using garbage as food. Families live in shanties that are often not big enough for one person, and there is death and disease everywhere.
Our team will be working with a local youth ministry called Youngsters for Christ. We will be building lasting relationships and having Christ-centered fellowship with youth, helping to ignite or build their faith by: performing skits, singing songs, praying, sharing testimonies, and simply loving them. To learn more about the Youngsters for Christ Team, you can visit their website at www.youngsters4christ.com.
Missions cannot be possible without support of brothers and sisters in Christ. There are two ways that you can partner with me in this exciting opportunity to serve God. The most important method of support is through prayer. While I know Christ knows our needs, we still need to offer up our prayers. I have enclosed prayer cards which I hope will assist you in remembering the team in your prayers. If you would like to receive updates on our trip, please send me your e-mail.
Another way you can support me is through the resources Christ has blessed you with. I need to raise around $3,400 by May, and this is where I’m leaving it in God’s hands. I ask that you do not give unless you pray about it first. Then, if you feel led to partner with our team in this way, send your financial support to my home address which is listed below. Checks can be made out to Pathway Community Church. Please write “Kenya Trip” on the memo line. Cash is also acceptable. All support is processed through my church, so if you decide to support me financially you will receive a tax deductible receipt.
Thank you for your partnership in spreading God’s love to the youth in Africa. If you are reading this letter, you have left an impact on my life whether you know it or not, and your support means so much to me. I’m amazed at how God is including this as a part of His plans for me, and feel blessed with the prayer support of family and friends.
Janelle Lehman
**Because of obvious safety reasons, I am excluding my contact info on my blog. For those of you who read this and would like to contact me about this trip, please email me and include "Kenya Trip" in the subject line at: janellelehman@hotmail.com
Dear Friends and Family,
I never would have dreamed that I would be writing such a letter as this, but God works in mysterious ways. For the past few years I have been struggling with the direction my life was going, but I trusted that God had something amazing planned for me. At the Passion ‘07 conference in January, God awakened what He placed in my heart long ago. Although it hit me like a rock and left me feeling inadequate, I left Passion with a sense of urgency to act upon what God was telling me those four incredible days, and trust Him to take care of the rest. Since then I've learned that if God wants me to do something, He will keep presenting Himself until I say YES.
Christ’s last words to his disciples in Mark 16:15 were “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” At Passion, hundreds, if not thousands, stood to be prayed over, saying "God is telling me to GO. I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how, but here I am, Lord! I want to serve You! Send me!" I was one of those who stood, and that's when I truly felt like my heart was awakened.
Since Passion, the doors have quickly opened and I’m following through with what my heart has been swelling over since. I have an amazing opportunity to go spread love in a dark place. After prayerful consideration, I’ve made the commitment to travel with a team to Kenya. We will spend 4 weeks in a large slum district called Kibera, on the south side of Niarobi. Those that live in this slum are daily confronted with the extreme challenges of poverty. Many live on less than $1 a day and lack the daily nourishment they need, using garbage as food. Families live in shanties that are often not big enough for one person, and there is death and disease everywhere.Our team will be working with a local youth ministry called Youngsters for Christ. We will be building lasting relationships and having Christ-centered fellowship with youth, helping to ignite or build their faith by: performing skits, singing songs, praying, sharing testimonies, and simply loving them. To learn more about the Youngsters for Christ Team, you can visit their website at www.youngsters4christ.com.
Missions cannot be possible without support of brothers and sisters in Christ. There are two ways that you can partner with me in this exciting opportunity to serve God. The most important method of support is through prayer. While I know Christ knows our needs, we still need to offer up our prayers. I have enclosed prayer cards which I hope will assist you in remembering the team in your prayers. If you would like to receive updates on our trip, please send me your e-mail.
Another way you can support me is through the resources Christ has blessed you with. I need to raise around $3,400 by May, and this is where I’m leaving it in God’s hands. I ask that you do not give unless you pray about it first. Then, if you feel led to partner with our team in this way, send your financial support to my home address which is listed below. Checks can be made out to Pathway Community Church. Please write “Kenya Trip” on the memo line. Cash is also acceptable. All support is processed through my church, so if you decide to support me financially you will receive a tax deductible receipt.
Thank you for your partnership in spreading God’s love to the youth in Africa. If you are reading this letter, you have left an impact on my life whether you know it or not, and your support means so much to me. I’m amazed at how God is including this as a part of His plans for me, and feel blessed with the prayer support of family and friends.
Janelle Lehman
**Because of obvious safety reasons, I am excluding my contact info on my blog. For those of you who read this and would like to contact me about this trip, please email me and include "Kenya Trip" in the subject line at: janellelehman@hotmail.com
Sunday, March 18, 2007
transition
Church was amazing yet really emotional today.
I attended both services...even with having 5 hours of sleep the night before. (These NCAA tourney games are not helping the sleeping schedule any either.)
Not sure if I wanted to just hear the story of Al and Eric again(check out their story on the Pathway Community Church podcast), check out the differences of first and second service (which, really... the climate of the two are strangely different... those second service people just don't get into it much), or just let it all sink in.
At the end of the service, our worship arts director announced his resignation.
There were tears everywhere.
Craig has such a talent and used that talent to bless others. He has led me and many others to find a way to connect with and worship God in a way like never before. God really used him at Pathway and there are big shoes to fill. He just has a way to let God use him to reach others.
I hope and pray that attenders of the church will not feel a need to start rumors or find out the reasons that Craig is leaving, that they will turn to God for comfort and not make it be the talk of the 'church' community. I also pray that God will start to prepare the heart of our next worship arts director, and that the leadership at Pathway will be able to discern where to go from here.
At my home church where I grew up, our pastor of 13 years is resigning.
Change is a hard thing and I've seen it tear so many church families apart. My church in Berne just went through huge transition with adding another contemporary service to satisfy the need there because of the generation gap. It's crazy really... many members of the church are 70+, and with it being a Mennonite church and a small town... I don't know all those together just make for them not liking change and adding drums to our worship service. Hymns are the only way to go. That's fine though really. That's the way they were raised, that's the way they can connect with God, but for the younger generation... there has been a huge shift in worship.
an amazing shift. :)
...just what's on my mind today
I attended both services...even with having 5 hours of sleep the night before. (These NCAA tourney games are not helping the sleeping schedule any either.)
Not sure if I wanted to just hear the story of Al and Eric again(check out their story on the Pathway Community Church podcast), check out the differences of first and second service (which, really... the climate of the two are strangely different... those second service people just don't get into it much), or just let it all sink in.
At the end of the service, our worship arts director announced his resignation.
There were tears everywhere.
Craig has such a talent and used that talent to bless others. He has led me and many others to find a way to connect with and worship God in a way like never before. God really used him at Pathway and there are big shoes to fill. He just has a way to let God use him to reach others.
I hope and pray that attenders of the church will not feel a need to start rumors or find out the reasons that Craig is leaving, that they will turn to God for comfort and not make it be the talk of the 'church' community. I also pray that God will start to prepare the heart of our next worship arts director, and that the leadership at Pathway will be able to discern where to go from here.
At my home church where I grew up, our pastor of 13 years is resigning.
Change is a hard thing and I've seen it tear so many church families apart. My church in Berne just went through huge transition with adding another contemporary service to satisfy the need there because of the generation gap. It's crazy really... many members of the church are 70+, and with it being a Mennonite church and a small town... I don't know all those together just make for them not liking change and adding drums to our worship service. Hymns are the only way to go. That's fine though really. That's the way they were raised, that's the way they can connect with God, but for the younger generation... there has been a huge shift in worship.
an amazing shift. :)
...just what's on my mind today
Sunday, March 11, 2007
tragedy
Where is God when it hurts?
...when you hurt over an ended relationship
...when you hurt over a lack of a relationship
...when you hurt over crisis in your life (i.e. finances, family, friends)
...when you hurt because of death, tragedy…
............crisis, tragedy...........
We are all on a journey in life. Some parts are high, others are low. But in the end, where our heart is… is what matters most. We try to avoid the low parts, the parts when we hurt, but we know they only make us stronger and it’s how you react to those low parts that shape our lives.
In the moment you feel so abandoned by God, He is working in your heart.
God will use who and what He wants to use to accomplish what he wants to do in your lives. (Job 12:13-14; Ecclesiastes 3:1)
"My prayers are with you…”
When tragedy strikes, so many people are quick to say that. Am I out of line to say that it’s beginning to sound like a cliché? Do people really truly pray for those who are faced with adversity, or it is all for show or simply something to say when something bad happens. We are so quick to cling to God when our worlds are crashing down on us. I feel like so many of us have grown up on our parent’s faith, or our small town’s faith, yet we have yet to build our own faith. If you’re going to say you will pray for someone… do it, because they need our prayers. And do it with a sincere heart.
Yeah, we may have all prayed that prayer as a child, but as adults we have a responsibility for our own lives. Our parents will not be there to account for our lives when it comes to the day we come face to face with God.
Just because God forgives us and gives second changes, it is not a license to keep living our lives the way we want to and go back to what we’ve done before. Doing so is mocking the cross, and sinning out of pleasure and joy over and over again because we know He will forgive us is like nailing Him to the cross over and over again. (Piper)
Yet, through tragedy, so much as happened this week that reminds me of God’s protection.
Last week my friend’s parents were involved in a huge scare on an airplane where their engine failed coming home from the Dominican Republic. This was actually a second plane they had boarded because their first plane wouldn’t ascend. After an emergency landing back in the D.R., they were safe. God protected them.
My roommate and I were in a minor wreck on Saturday night. It could have been a lot worse than it was. God protected us.
...The Bluffton bus wreck. It was really a tragedy, and I hate all of it and my heart aches for everyone involved. I feel connected, as I realize 5-6 years ago I would have known everyone on that team, plus with the Berne students and families involved. South Adams has had someone on that team almost every year for a long time now. It could have very easily been the track team when my brother Jeff was on it 5 years ago. It’s almost to the point where I can place myself there that morning because my thoughts and prayers have not left those involved… yet I know that my thoughts about it are nowhere near the horror it must have been.
What so many people are focusing on is the bad in this accident, and it’s easy to do. I have been doing it too. But God’s protection was placed all over that accident. For those that survived, the numbers could have been switched around and 28 died, not 7. God knew it was going to happen before it did. He knew which players would survive. Those that survived were in the seats they were on the bus at that moment for a reason.
As everyone says, God isn’t finished with the survivors yet. There’s a plan for their lives. God can create storms to bring His children back to Him.
It is up to use to make the decision to run father from Him or draw near to Him, and running from God always comes at a price to others. He is the ultimate comfort. God’s hand was all over the bus that morning, and He WAS protecting them.
But what about those whose lives were taken in the accident?
Where was God’s protection then?
God has a plan that we cannot even begin to trace. That is one of the mysteries of God that I personally do not want to know. If we seriously knew God’s will for our lives, how exciting would that be? We would know exactly when we die, and would be counting our days.
If 7 people dying in this wreck brings 7 people home to Christ… I don’t know… it just seems to work. Everything ends up “working” when God in involved, and we as humans cannot attempt to understand it. He can bring good out of the bad.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
While the plan may not be as beautiful for use here on earth, it is beautiful for God. He works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
All He asks of us is to trust Him.
So where IS God when it hurts?
He is WITH YOU! Where He loves to be. Right by your side. When you can’t feel Him, turn to Him, ask Him to reveal himself to you, because he is there. Maybe He already has revealed Himself, but other things has caused you to inadvertently avoid His knocking…but He is there and will always listen, no matter how many times we have ignored Him. What Amazing Grace!
--------------------------
Where is God when it hurts? He is in us-not in the things that hurt-helping to transform bad into good. We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good.” –Phillip Yancey
--------------------------
I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside,
GodCome and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need YouI need You
~”Here I Am” Shawn McDonald
*A couple of things I turned to for this long drawn out blog:
Bk: “Where is God when it Hurts?” Philip Yancey.
Bk: “Don’t Waste Your Life” John Piper
Ron Williams message, March 4, 2007 (check it out on the Pathway Podcast)
...when you hurt over an ended relationship
...when you hurt over a lack of a relationship
...when you hurt over crisis in your life (i.e. finances, family, friends)
...when you hurt because of death, tragedy…
............crisis, tragedy...........
We are all on a journey in life. Some parts are high, others are low. But in the end, where our heart is… is what matters most. We try to avoid the low parts, the parts when we hurt, but we know they only make us stronger and it’s how you react to those low parts that shape our lives.
In the moment you feel so abandoned by God, He is working in your heart.
God will use who and what He wants to use to accomplish what he wants to do in your lives. (Job 12:13-14; Ecclesiastes 3:1)
"My prayers are with you…”
When tragedy strikes, so many people are quick to say that. Am I out of line to say that it’s beginning to sound like a cliché? Do people really truly pray for those who are faced with adversity, or it is all for show or simply something to say when something bad happens. We are so quick to cling to God when our worlds are crashing down on us. I feel like so many of us have grown up on our parent’s faith, or our small town’s faith, yet we have yet to build our own faith. If you’re going to say you will pray for someone… do it, because they need our prayers. And do it with a sincere heart.
Yeah, we may have all prayed that prayer as a child, but as adults we have a responsibility for our own lives. Our parents will not be there to account for our lives when it comes to the day we come face to face with God.
Just because God forgives us and gives second changes, it is not a license to keep living our lives the way we want to and go back to what we’ve done before. Doing so is mocking the cross, and sinning out of pleasure and joy over and over again because we know He will forgive us is like nailing Him to the cross over and over again. (Piper)
Yet, through tragedy, so much as happened this week that reminds me of God’s protection.
Last week my friend’s parents were involved in a huge scare on an airplane where their engine failed coming home from the Dominican Republic. This was actually a second plane they had boarded because their first plane wouldn’t ascend. After an emergency landing back in the D.R., they were safe. God protected them.
My roommate and I were in a minor wreck on Saturday night. It could have been a lot worse than it was. God protected us.
...The Bluffton bus wreck. It was really a tragedy, and I hate all of it and my heart aches for everyone involved. I feel connected, as I realize 5-6 years ago I would have known everyone on that team, plus with the Berne students and families involved. South Adams has had someone on that team almost every year for a long time now. It could have very easily been the track team when my brother Jeff was on it 5 years ago. It’s almost to the point where I can place myself there that morning because my thoughts and prayers have not left those involved… yet I know that my thoughts about it are nowhere near the horror it must have been.
What so many people are focusing on is the bad in this accident, and it’s easy to do. I have been doing it too. But God’s protection was placed all over that accident. For those that survived, the numbers could have been switched around and 28 died, not 7. God knew it was going to happen before it did. He knew which players would survive. Those that survived were in the seats they were on the bus at that moment for a reason.
As everyone says, God isn’t finished with the survivors yet. There’s a plan for their lives. God can create storms to bring His children back to Him.
It is up to use to make the decision to run father from Him or draw near to Him, and running from God always comes at a price to others. He is the ultimate comfort. God’s hand was all over the bus that morning, and He WAS protecting them.
But what about those whose lives were taken in the accident?
Where was God’s protection then?
God has a plan that we cannot even begin to trace. That is one of the mysteries of God that I personally do not want to know. If we seriously knew God’s will for our lives, how exciting would that be? We would know exactly when we die, and would be counting our days.
If 7 people dying in this wreck brings 7 people home to Christ… I don’t know… it just seems to work. Everything ends up “working” when God in involved, and we as humans cannot attempt to understand it. He can bring good out of the bad.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
While the plan may not be as beautiful for use here on earth, it is beautiful for God. He works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
All He asks of us is to trust Him.
So where IS God when it hurts?
He is WITH YOU! Where He loves to be. Right by your side. When you can’t feel Him, turn to Him, ask Him to reveal himself to you, because he is there. Maybe He already has revealed Himself, but other things has caused you to inadvertently avoid His knocking…but He is there and will always listen, no matter how many times we have ignored Him. What Amazing Grace!
--------------------------
Where is God when it hurts? He is in us-not in the things that hurt-helping to transform bad into good. We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good.” –Phillip Yancey
--------------------------
I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won't You meet
Won't You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won't You come inside
Won't You come inside,
GodCome and fill this heart of mine
I'm in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need YouI need You
~”Here I Am” Shawn McDonald
*A couple of things I turned to for this long drawn out blog:
Bk: “Where is God when it Hurts?” Philip Yancey.
Bk: “Don’t Waste Your Life” John Piper
Ron Williams message, March 4, 2007 (check it out on the Pathway Podcast)
i digress... and must love the thorn
(the following is a post from Nov. 12, 2006 on myspace)
Wow..
Tonight at the Core I was thinking about everything that I just blogged about 30 minutes before I left for the Core. Worship and the "new" way that Jeff (our young adult leader) had all of us pray brought me to tears...
We sang "It is Well with my Soul", then "Jesus Paid it All".. I really think the order of worship songs tonight really was perfect for me (if that makes sense). One of the verses of the second song is as follows:
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Our God is so great that he can melt the heart of stone!!! Did I not just blog about how my mom's heart is so hard and it just seems impossible to soften it?
Then, Jeff read Psalm 27 three times and we were to pick out the word that pops out most to you and discuss with God what we think He is trying to tell us. The word FEAR stuck out for me...and this is why.....
Yes, there are many people who think it is impossible for my mom's heart to change... but like that ancient hymn says; his power can melt the heart of stone. I will be the person, if no one else will, to make an effort without being fearful of the effects and how she will respond to me. I know God will protect my heart and though I may get hurt from words or actions on her part, and if she "disowns" me all together then so be it. I will depend on Him because he is constantly faithful and has proven that to me over and over.
I have a thorn in my side.. I must honor the thorn as it says in the Bible, but if I do not want it to be a thorn anymore... I will do something about it.
Wow..
Tonight at the Core I was thinking about everything that I just blogged about 30 minutes before I left for the Core. Worship and the "new" way that Jeff (our young adult leader) had all of us pray brought me to tears...
We sang "It is Well with my Soul", then "Jesus Paid it All".. I really think the order of worship songs tonight really was perfect for me (if that makes sense). One of the verses of the second song is as follows:
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Our God is so great that he can melt the heart of stone!!! Did I not just blog about how my mom's heart is so hard and it just seems impossible to soften it?
Then, Jeff read Psalm 27 three times and we were to pick out the word that pops out most to you and discuss with God what we think He is trying to tell us. The word FEAR stuck out for me...and this is why.....
Yes, there are many people who think it is impossible for my mom's heart to change... but like that ancient hymn says; his power can melt the heart of stone. I will be the person, if no one else will, to make an effort without being fearful of the effects and how she will respond to me. I know God will protect my heart and though I may get hurt from words or actions on her part, and if she "disowns" me all together then so be it. I will depend on Him because he is constantly faithful and has proven that to me over and over.
I have a thorn in my side.. I must honor the thorn as it says in the Bible, but if I do not want it to be a thorn anymore... I will do something about it.
a thorn in my side
(this blog is from my myspace Nov. 12, 2006)
Ron talked about how God is faithful and we are not today at church. He made references to the thorns in your life that just won't go away. I have had that running in my head all day... I hate it when there is just something that you want to go away or get better but you realize that it never will... and you will have to confront it on many occasions in your life. I often find myself asking God why He can't just take it away.. I didn't sign up for this. But something else that I have had running my head all day is that through it all, God is FAITHFUL to me. He just wants me to depend on him through all of this. I know I must depend on him and he always proves to be faithful in some way.
But I hurt for my mom. I want her to know the love of God what we know. I want her to be happy and free of all the struggles that must be going on in her mind. I don't get her at all. I have wondered if it was something to do with how she was raised, but her siblings are fine. I don't know how to help her except to pray. She has countlessly been exposed to faith over and over in her life... I mean my dad stuck by her forever and I'm sure he prayed for her every night of their marriage...even though I'm also sure he didn't feel like it. I want her to change.. but I can't make her change. Its all up to her and her hard heart needs to soften. But like my sister said... it's been hard for 54 years and the harder it becomes and the more she rejects a relationship with Christ... the harder it will be for it to break. (You were right Mel is it in Romans... 1:18-32) Yes I hurt for my mom, but sometimes I'm tired of hurting for her. At the same time, I know God never gets tired of being faithful to us. The same, unchanging God that was there for me as a child and through my life was there for my mom knocking at her heart plenty of times only to get denied... and that's one of the reason's that I hurt for my mom.
Thanks for your prayers this weekend... I was sick to my stomach at the height of the day...but we all got through it and through the subtle but powerful cynical comments that were often heard.
P.S. Jake has to be put to sleep probably sometime this week.... :(
P.P.S. The CBS announcer totally just said "the Baltimore Colts are undefeated 9-0 for the second season in a row.."
P.P.P.S. I used to do this whole
P.P.P.P.P.S. thing when I wrote to my church camp friends and I don't even know what it really means
Ron talked about how God is faithful and we are not today at church. He made references to the thorns in your life that just won't go away. I have had that running in my head all day... I hate it when there is just something that you want to go away or get better but you realize that it never will... and you will have to confront it on many occasions in your life. I often find myself asking God why He can't just take it away.. I didn't sign up for this. But something else that I have had running my head all day is that through it all, God is FAITHFUL to me. He just wants me to depend on him through all of this. I know I must depend on him and he always proves to be faithful in some way.
But I hurt for my mom. I want her to know the love of God what we know. I want her to be happy and free of all the struggles that must be going on in her mind. I don't get her at all. I have wondered if it was something to do with how she was raised, but her siblings are fine. I don't know how to help her except to pray. She has countlessly been exposed to faith over and over in her life... I mean my dad stuck by her forever and I'm sure he prayed for her every night of their marriage...even though I'm also sure he didn't feel like it. I want her to change.. but I can't make her change. Its all up to her and her hard heart needs to soften. But like my sister said... it's been hard for 54 years and the harder it becomes and the more she rejects a relationship with Christ... the harder it will be for it to break. (You were right Mel is it in Romans... 1:18-32) Yes I hurt for my mom, but sometimes I'm tired of hurting for her. At the same time, I know God never gets tired of being faithful to us. The same, unchanging God that was there for me as a child and through my life was there for my mom knocking at her heart plenty of times only to get denied... and that's one of the reason's that I hurt for my mom.
Thanks for your prayers this weekend... I was sick to my stomach at the height of the day...but we all got through it and through the subtle but powerful cynical comments that were often heard.
P.S. Jake has to be put to sleep probably sometime this week.... :(
P.P.S. The CBS announcer totally just said "the Baltimore Colts are undefeated 9-0 for the second season in a row.."
P.P.P.S. I used to do this whole
P.P.P.P.P.S. thing when I wrote to my church camp friends and I don't even know what it really means
...the sound of just the footsteps of 24,000 people walking the streets of Atlanta
(the following is copied from my myspace blog from January 6, 2007)
...it was simply amazing.
24,000 young adults gathered in Atlanta, Georgia from January 1-4 and I was fortunate enough to be a part of it. On the last night, everyone walked in complete silence, some from a 15 minute walk away, from their family groups to gather right outside the Georgia Dome. (Normally throughout the week we have had to be separated into two venues and satellited, because Phillips Arena cannot hold everyone.)
It was amazing.
Complete silence.
All you could hear was the footsteps of many (besides the normal city noises)... all with the intention to gather to a place to worship, to be still before God (well I had to be because I lost my voice).. and it was hard not to imagine what heaven would be like. It was 11:00 at night so there were still people out and about... but all they could do was look in astonishment, (or sometimes confusion) at what was happening.
There, before them, was a massive group of people walking and being still before their God. The silence continued until everyone was gathered in a huge crowd, standing before a large screen and stage, and besides hearing the roar of the helicopter overhead.. it was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. The night was perfect.
I'm one of those that can more easily draw close to God through nature... and while walking to the site, I noticed the sky being covered in clouds. However, how appropriate it was that just before Chris Tomlin started leading worship... the clouds parted and there was an opening in the clouds just big enough for the openness to hover over our worship area. The moon was full and shining. God's light was shining. :) 24,000 people worshipping under God's creation that night was amazing.. and with that many people worshipping God, it made it even easier to get a taste of what our eternal PARTY will be like.
On the way back to our hotels, the whole crowd CHEERING for GOD while walking the streets at 12:30a.m. made the night even better. That's just a taste of how awesome my week was. I was not prepared for what God was about to reveal to me.
So many things happened this week that as I look back on them, I realize that it happened for a reason.
1. I lost my voice, mainly on Wednesday, which one of my family group members simply said... its a sign just to listen to God for the day. Wednesday is what broke me.
2. Upon getting to my community group on Tuesday night, I realized that I left my camera in the arena. I wasn't worried too much.. but during our worship set in community group about 10 minutes later, Shane Bernard mentioned how we care too much about the things of this world, such as iPods (not me). But I obviously thought about how I love my camera and daily check these things we call myspace and facebook. It has to stop! :)
3. My family group was all girls and small. Perfect. I could be more vulnerable and myself.
4. The community group that I thought I was supposed to be in turned out not being the group... so I had to turn around the first night and walk the 15 minute walk to where the pink striped group met. Honestly, I was disappointed. Why would I want to walk all the way over to the Westin anyway... :) I thought I didn't know anyone in my community group whereas before, Stephanie was going to be in my group. Well, turns out the last community group session, I see that Mike Lee is there. He was in there the whole time... and I'm glad I didn't know he was (no offense, Mike). The whole community group miss up turned out amazing. Shane, from one of my favorite duo Shane & Shane, turned out to be our worship leader. Their songs always speak to me.
There specifically was a song that we sang each day which was continually in my head the rest of the week. When I woke up, the song was in my head. When I went to bed, the song was in my head... and pretty much all throughout the rest of the day.
Here are some of the lyrics:
"Awaken what's inside of me,
Tune my heart to all you are in me
Even though You're here, God Come."
My heart was awakened this week.
All the speakers, both the breakout sessions, and the songs just spoke volumes to me and I really believe that what was inside of me was awakened this week. Each session I went to spoke to me.
The whole idea of Passion was ::SHINE:: ... to Do something NOW! How hard it is for me to come back home and get back to "life" and the routine I was in before.
My friend Alison, who's in Africa teaching, sent me this in part of an email, which I would like to share:
" Do not think that just because you are on a high that it is not God speaking. A lot of times when we are in an environment where the people just want to worship GOD and hear him the Holy Spirit's voice is intensified and you hear more clearly. Then when you leave you might start on a down slope and think "WOW that was great, but maybe I just got carried away and did not hear right. " NO NO Janelle, You did hear right and Satan had no place being there that is why there was so much joy and clarity. Now that you entered back into the world. Satan is King of it, so he will try to discrouage you any way he can... So that Passion.... KEEP IT .. It is real!!"
Last year when looking for a teaching job, a leader in my young adult group informed me about an opportunity in Africa to teach at a boarding school. Then, Pathway took a group to Mozambique.. and although I went to the meeting, I didn't pursue because of finances and the intensity of the trip that was conveyed by the guy overseeing it.
While at Passion, I was wondering if God really did want me there..somewhere, in some way. I think He's been knocking at my heart's door for a while now and it was at Passion when I finally opened the door a crack and peered through at what He wants me to do. During the last session, the Passion team prayed over the whole arena(s). Those that felt called to GO during the week were to stand. I quickly processed everything I heard over Passion and don't know exactly why I did stand, but I did. And, when I did, I broke. Now, if this call from God wasn't real... then why would I be in tears over the thought of it.
Since being back, I have had a friend randomly tell me "just go to Africa, you've always wanted to go there anyway" (thanks elan). He had no idea. But only if he knew... At work, we have a song we play over head that is also sung in Africaans language ("We Fall Down").. and it came on right when I was thinking about all this. Then, at church today, the first thing I saw in the bulletin is an announcement for another Mozambique trip for twelve days in July. Immediately the thought of finances went through my head.. but... Ron talked about money and the message was about how our money is GOD'S resources.
I'm trying to discern whether the whole overseas missions thing is what God wants for me. And if it is... how long? To teach? For a short time? I just need to spend time talking to people about it and most importantly, praying about it.
But all my life I've learned from my mom that I'm worthless and have kept things bottled up.
I keep thinking "Who am I to be able to do this?" But... as was said in one of the sessions... God will use who he wants to use.
I have to get over the fear of not being able to raise support...
I have to get over the fear of going and being away from family.
I have to get over the uncertainty of the unknown, because I know God will be with me.
I have to quit running and just answer His call!
On another note not dealing with missions (at least global missions)...
Since Passion I've already tried sharing my faith to my mom, but only ended up hurt in the end. Before passion, I was "okay"with the whole idea that she wasn't a Christian because I found myself saying it is SO HARD to have a relationship with her... but that's just not right of me to feel that way! I want her in the After Party.
Oh, and one more thing...
::SHINE::
**If you are reading this, please pray for my community group leader. Tim found out a week before he came to Passion to lead us that his cancer, which he thought was in remission, has spread to his bones. We found this out the last session... he has a wife and baby at home.
Okay I know that was a super long blog but its just what was on my mind after this conference.
(For all who went, the song "Fire Fall Down" and "From the Inside Out" is on a Hillsong United CD... just to temporarily satisfy us until the Passion CD comes out)
...it was simply amazing.
24,000 young adults gathered in Atlanta, Georgia from January 1-4 and I was fortunate enough to be a part of it. On the last night, everyone walked in complete silence, some from a 15 minute walk away, from their family groups to gather right outside the Georgia Dome. (Normally throughout the week we have had to be separated into two venues and satellited, because Phillips Arena cannot hold everyone.)
It was amazing.
Complete silence.
All you could hear was the footsteps of many (besides the normal city noises)... all with the intention to gather to a place to worship, to be still before God (well I had to be because I lost my voice).. and it was hard not to imagine what heaven would be like. It was 11:00 at night so there were still people out and about... but all they could do was look in astonishment, (or sometimes confusion) at what was happening.
There, before them, was a massive group of people walking and being still before their God. The silence continued until everyone was gathered in a huge crowd, standing before a large screen and stage, and besides hearing the roar of the helicopter overhead.. it was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. The night was perfect.
I'm one of those that can more easily draw close to God through nature... and while walking to the site, I noticed the sky being covered in clouds. However, how appropriate it was that just before Chris Tomlin started leading worship... the clouds parted and there was an opening in the clouds just big enough for the openness to hover over our worship area. The moon was full and shining. God's light was shining. :) 24,000 people worshipping under God's creation that night was amazing.. and with that many people worshipping God, it made it even easier to get a taste of what our eternal PARTY will be like.
On the way back to our hotels, the whole crowd CHEERING for GOD while walking the streets at 12:30a.m. made the night even better. That's just a taste of how awesome my week was. I was not prepared for what God was about to reveal to me.
So many things happened this week that as I look back on them, I realize that it happened for a reason.
1. I lost my voice, mainly on Wednesday, which one of my family group members simply said... its a sign just to listen to God for the day. Wednesday is what broke me.
2. Upon getting to my community group on Tuesday night, I realized that I left my camera in the arena. I wasn't worried too much.. but during our worship set in community group about 10 minutes later, Shane Bernard mentioned how we care too much about the things of this world, such as iPods (not me). But I obviously thought about how I love my camera and daily check these things we call myspace and facebook. It has to stop! :)
3. My family group was all girls and small. Perfect. I could be more vulnerable and myself.
4. The community group that I thought I was supposed to be in turned out not being the group... so I had to turn around the first night and walk the 15 minute walk to where the pink striped group met. Honestly, I was disappointed. Why would I want to walk all the way over to the Westin anyway... :) I thought I didn't know anyone in my community group whereas before, Stephanie was going to be in my group. Well, turns out the last community group session, I see that Mike Lee is there. He was in there the whole time... and I'm glad I didn't know he was (no offense, Mike). The whole community group miss up turned out amazing. Shane, from one of my favorite duo Shane & Shane, turned out to be our worship leader. Their songs always speak to me.
There specifically was a song that we sang each day which was continually in my head the rest of the week. When I woke up, the song was in my head. When I went to bed, the song was in my head... and pretty much all throughout the rest of the day.
Here are some of the lyrics:
"Awaken what's inside of me,
Tune my heart to all you are in me
Even though You're here, God Come."
My heart was awakened this week.
All the speakers, both the breakout sessions, and the songs just spoke volumes to me and I really believe that what was inside of me was awakened this week. Each session I went to spoke to me.
The whole idea of Passion was ::SHINE:: ... to Do something NOW! How hard it is for me to come back home and get back to "life" and the routine I was in before.
My friend Alison, who's in Africa teaching, sent me this in part of an email, which I would like to share:
" Do not think that just because you are on a high that it is not God speaking. A lot of times when we are in an environment where the people just want to worship GOD and hear him the Holy Spirit's voice is intensified and you hear more clearly. Then when you leave you might start on a down slope and think "WOW that was great, but maybe I just got carried away and did not hear right. " NO NO Janelle, You did hear right and Satan had no place being there that is why there was so much joy and clarity. Now that you entered back into the world. Satan is King of it, so he will try to discrouage you any way he can... So that Passion.... KEEP IT .. It is real!!"
Last year when looking for a teaching job, a leader in my young adult group informed me about an opportunity in Africa to teach at a boarding school. Then, Pathway took a group to Mozambique.. and although I went to the meeting, I didn't pursue because of finances and the intensity of the trip that was conveyed by the guy overseeing it.
While at Passion, I was wondering if God really did want me there..somewhere, in some way. I think He's been knocking at my heart's door for a while now and it was at Passion when I finally opened the door a crack and peered through at what He wants me to do. During the last session, the Passion team prayed over the whole arena(s). Those that felt called to GO during the week were to stand. I quickly processed everything I heard over Passion and don't know exactly why I did stand, but I did. And, when I did, I broke. Now, if this call from God wasn't real... then why would I be in tears over the thought of it.
Since being back, I have had a friend randomly tell me "just go to Africa, you've always wanted to go there anyway" (thanks elan). He had no idea. But only if he knew... At work, we have a song we play over head that is also sung in Africaans language ("We Fall Down").. and it came on right when I was thinking about all this. Then, at church today, the first thing I saw in the bulletin is an announcement for another Mozambique trip for twelve days in July. Immediately the thought of finances went through my head.. but... Ron talked about money and the message was about how our money is GOD'S resources.
I'm trying to discern whether the whole overseas missions thing is what God wants for me. And if it is... how long? To teach? For a short time? I just need to spend time talking to people about it and most importantly, praying about it.
But all my life I've learned from my mom that I'm worthless and have kept things bottled up.
I keep thinking "Who am I to be able to do this?" But... as was said in one of the sessions... God will use who he wants to use.
I have to get over the fear of not being able to raise support...
I have to get over the fear of going and being away from family.
I have to get over the uncertainty of the unknown, because I know God will be with me.
I have to quit running and just answer His call!
On another note not dealing with missions (at least global missions)...
Since Passion I've already tried sharing my faith to my mom, but only ended up hurt in the end. Before passion, I was "okay"with the whole idea that she wasn't a Christian because I found myself saying it is SO HARD to have a relationship with her... but that's just not right of me to feel that way! I want her in the After Party.
Oh, and one more thing...
::SHINE::
**If you are reading this, please pray for my community group leader. Tim found out a week before he came to Passion to lead us that his cancer, which he thought was in remission, has spread to his bones. We found this out the last session... he has a wife and baby at home.
Okay I know that was a super long blog but its just what was on my mind after this conference.
(For all who went, the song "Fire Fall Down" and "From the Inside Out" is on a Hillsong United CD... just to temporarily satisfy us until the Passion CD comes out)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
